[Footnote 3: The street of the Jews in Lemberg.]
“I studied everything in a jumble without system, without selection:
chemistry, alchemy, history, astronomy, philosophy, law, anatomy, and
literature; I read Homer, Virgil, Ossian, Schiller, Goethe,
Shakespeare, Cervantes, Voltaire, Molière, the Koran, the Kosmos,
Casanova’s Memoirs. I grew more confused each day, more fantastical,
more supersensual. All the time a beautiful ideal woman hovered in my
imagination. Every so and so often she appeared before me like a vision
among my leather-bound books and dead bones, lying on a bed of roses,
surrounded by cupids. Sometimes she appeared gowned like the Olympians
with the stern white face of the plaster Venus; sometimes in braids of
a rich brown, blue-eyes, in my aunt’s red velvet _kazabaika,_ trimmed
with ermine.
“One morning when she had again risen out of the golden mist of my
imagination in all her smiling beauty, I went to see Countess Sobol,
who received me in a friendly, even cordial manner. She gave me a kiss
of welcome, which put all my senses in a turmoil. She was probably
about forty years old, but like most well-preserved women of the world,
still very attractive. She wore as always her fur-edged jacket. This
time it was one of green velvet with brown marten. But nothing of the
sternness which had so delighted me the other time was now discernable.
“On the contrary, there was so little of cruelty in her that without
any more ado she let me adore her.
“Only too soon did she discover my supersensual folly and innocence,
and it pleased her to make me happy. As for myself—I was as happy as a
young god. What rapture for me to be allowed to lie before her on my
knees, and to kiss her hands, those with which she had scourged me!
What marvellous hands they were, of beautiful form, delicate, rounded,
and white, with adorable dimples! I really was in love with her hands
only. I played with them, let them submerge and emerge in the dark fur,
held them against the light, and was unable to satiate my eyes with
them.”
Wanda involuntarily looked at her hand; I noticed it, and had to smile.
“From the way in which the supersensual predominated in me in those
days you can see that I was in love only with the cruel lashes I
received from my aunt; and about two years later when I paid court to a
young actress only in the roles she played. Still later I became the
admirer of a respectable woman. She acted the part of irreproachable
virtue, only in the end to betray me with a rich Jew. You see, it is
because I was betrayed, sold, by a woman who feigned the strictest
principles and the highest ideals, that I hate that sort of poetical,
sentimental virtue so intensely. Give me rather a woman who is honest
enough to say to me: I am a Pompadour, a Lucretia Borgia, and I am
ready to adore her.”
Wanda rose and opened the window.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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