But he had seen her, and had stared hard at her for the brief instant it
took to pass the gate. Her face and its expression had surprised him.
He was not a very observant man, and at that moment was even less so
than usual, for he was particularly and deeply absorbed in his own
affairs; yet when he came suddenly on the motionless figure at the gate,
with its wide-open eyes that simply looked through him as he went by,
unconscious, obviously, that any one was going by, his attention was
surprised away from himself and almost he had stopped to examine the
strange creature more closely. His code, however, prevented that, and he
continued along the further fifty yards of bushes and trees that hid the
other half of the garden from the road, but more slowly, slower and
slower, till at the end of the garden where the road left it behind and
went on very solitarily over the bare grass on the top of the cliffs,
winding in and out with the ins and outs of the coast for as far as one
could see, he hesitated, looked back, went on a yard or two, hesitated
again, stopped and took off his hot hat and wiped his forehead, looked
at the bare country and the long twisting glare of the road ahead, and
then very slowly turned and went past the belt of bushes towards the
gate again.
He said to himself as he went: 'My God, I'm so lonely. I can't stand it.
I must speak to some one. I shall go off my head----'
For what had happened to this man--his name was Wemyss--was that public
opinion was forcing him into retirement and inactivity at the very time
when he most needed company and distraction. He had to go away by
himself, he had to withdraw for at the very least a week from his
ordinary life, from his house on the river where he had just begun his
summer holiday, from his house in London where at least there were his
clubs, because of this determination on the part of public opinion that
he should for a space be alone with his sorrow. Alone with sorrow,--of
all ghastly things for a man to be alone with! It was an outrage, he
felt, to condemn a man to that; it was the cruellest form of solitary
confinement. He had come to Cornwall because it took a long time to get
to, a whole day in the train there and a whole day in the train back,
clipping the week, the minimum of time public opinion insisted on for
respecting his bereavement, at both ends; but still that left five days
of awful loneliness, of wandering about the cliffs by himself trying not
to think, without a soul to speak to, without a thing to do. He couldn't
play bridge because of public opinion. Everybody knew what had happened
to him. It had been in all the papers. The moment he said his name they
would know. It was so recent. Only last week....
No, he couldn't bear this, he must speak to some one. That girl,--with
those strange eyes she wasn't just ordinary. She wouldn't mind letting
him talk to her for a little, perhaps sit in the garden with her a
little. She would understand.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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