FIRST SARDONIC ATTENDANT (_at doorway_). Reg'lar turnin' em away to-night, _we_ are! SECOND SARDONIC ATTENDANT. He come up to me afore he goes to the pay-box, and sez he--"Is there a seat left?" he sez. And I sez to 'im, "Well, I _think_ we can manage to squeeze you in somewhere." Like that, I sez. [_The Orchestra, consisting of two thin-armed little girls, with pigtails, enter, and perform a stumbling Overture upon a cracked piano._ HERR VON KAMBERWOHL_, the Conjuror, appears on platform, amidst loud clapping from two obvious Confederates in a back row_. HERR V. K. (_in a mixed accent_). Lyties and Shentilmans, pefoor I co-mence viz my hillusions zis hevenin' I 'ave most hemphadically to repoodiate hall assistance from hany spirrids or soopernatural beins vatsohever. All I shall 'ave ze honour of showing you will be perform by simple Sloight of 'and or Ledger-dee-Mang! (_He invites any member of the Audience to step up and assist him, but the spectators remain coy._) I see zat I 'ave not to night so larsh an orjence to select from as usual, still I 'ope--(_Here one of the obvious Confederates slouches up, and joins him on the platform._) Ah, zat is goot! I am vair much oblige to you, Sare. (_The Confederate grins sheepishly._) Led me see--I seem to remember your face some'ow. (_Broader grin from Confederate._) Hah you vos 'ere last night?--zat exblains it! But you 'ave nevaire assist me befoor, eh? (_Reckless shake of the head from Confederate._) I thought nod. _Vair_ vell. You 'ave nevaire done any dricks mit carts--no? Bot you will dry? You never dell vat you gan do till you dry, as ze ole sow said ven she learn ze halphabet. (_He pauses for a laugh--which doesn't come._) Now, Sare, you know a cart ven you see 'im? Ah, zat is somtings alretty! Now I vill ask you to choose any cart or carts out of zis back. (_The Confederate fumbles._) I don't vish to 'urry you--but I vant you to mike 'aste--&c., &c. THE MAN IN EVENING DRESS. I remember giving Bimbo, the Wizard of the West, a guinea once to teach me that trick--there was nothing in it. FIRST LADY IN PLUSH CLOAK. And can you _do_ it? THE M. IN E. D. (_guardedly_). Well, I don't know that I could exactly do it _now_--but I know how it's done. [_He explains elaborately how it is done._ HERR V. K. (_stamping, as a signal that the Orchestra may leave off_). Next I shall show you my zelebrated hillusion of ze inexhaustible 'At, to gonclude viz the Invisible 'En. And I shall be moch oblige if any shentilmans vill kindly favour me viz 'is 'at for ze purpose of my exberiment. THE M. IN E. D. Here's mine--it's quite at your service. [_To his companions._] This is a stale old trick, he merely--(_explains as before_). But you wait and see how I'll score off him over it! [Illustration: "LED ME SEE--I SEEM TO REMEMBER YOUR FACE SOME'OW."] HERR V. K. (_to the_ M. in E. D.). You are gvide sure, Sare, you leaf nossing insoide of your 'at?