She spoke as though reading my thoughts but in her smile there
remained always that irritating X. There behind the curtains
something was going on, I don't know what, but something that made
me lose my patience. I wanted to quarrel with her, to scream at her
(exactly, to scream), but I had to agree. It was impossible not to
agree.
We stopped in front of a mirror. At that moment I saw only her eyes.
An idea came to me: human beings are built as nonsensically as these
stupid "apartments," human heads are opaque, and there are only two
very small windows that lead inside,--the eyes. She seemed to have
guessed my thoughts; she turned around: "Well, here they are, my
eyes,--well" (this suddenly, then silence).
There were in front of me two gloomy dark windows and behind them
inside, such strange hidden life. I saw there only fire, burning
like a peculiar "fireplace" and unknown figures resembling....
All this was certainly very natural; I saw in her eyes the
reflection of my own face. But my feelings were unnatural and not
like me. Evidently the depressing influence of the surroundings was
beginning to tell on me. I felt definitely fear. I felt as if I were
trapped and caged in a strange cage. I felt that I was caught in the
wild hurricane of ancient life.
"Do you know ..." said I-330, "step out for a moment into the next
room." Her voice came from there,--from inside, from behind the dark
window-eyes,--where the fireplace was blazing.
I went out, sat down. From a shelf on the wall there looked
straight into my face, somewhat smiling, a snub-nosed, asymmetrical
physiognomy of one of the ancient poets; I think it was Pushkin.
"Why do I sit here enduring this smile with such resignation and
what is this all about? Why am I here? And why all these strange
sensations, this irritating, repellent female, this strange game?"
The door of the closet slammed; there was the rustle of silk. I
felt it difficult to restrain myself from getting up and, and.... I
don't remember exactly; probably I wanted to tell her a number of
disagreeable things. But she had already appeared.
She was dressed in a short bright-yellowish dress, black hat, black
stockings. The dress was of light silk,--I saw clearly very long
black stockings above the knees, an uncovered neck and the shadow
between....
"It's clear that you want to seem original. But is it possible that
you--?"
"It is clear," interrupted I-330, "that to be original means to
stand out among others; consequently to be original means to violate
the law of equality. What was called in the language of the ancients
'to be common' is with us only the fulfilling of one's duty. For--"
"Yes, yes, exactly," I interrupted impatiently, "and there is no
use, no use...."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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