She came nearer. She leaned gently against my shoulder; we became
one. Something streamed from her into me. I felt, I knew, it
_should_ be so. Every fibre of my nervous system told me this, every
hair on my head, every painfully sweet heartbeat. And what a joy it
was to submit to what _should_ be. A fragment of iron-ore probably
feels the same joy of submission to precise, inevitable law, when
it clings to a loadstone. The same joy is in a stone which thrown
aloft, hesitates a little at the height of its flight and then
rushes down to the ground. It is the same with a man when in his
final convulsion he takes a last deep breath and dies.
I remember I smiled vaguely and said for no reason at all, "Fog ...
very."
"Thou lovest fog, dost thou?"
This ancient, long-forgotten _thou_--the thou of a master to his
slave--penetrated me slowly, sharply.... Yes, I was a slave.... This
too was inevitable, was good.
"Yes, good ..." I said aloud to myself, and then to her, "I hate
fog. I am afraid of fog."
"Then you love it. For if you fear it because it is stronger than
you, hate it because you fear it, you love it. For you cannot
subject it to yourself. One loves only the things one cannot
conquer."
"Yes, that is so. That is why ... that is precisely why I...."
We were walking--as one. Somewhere beyond the fog the sun was
singing in a faint tone, gradually swelling, filling the air with
tension and with pearl and gold and rose and red.... The whole world
seemed to be one unembraceable woman, and we who were in her body
were not yet born; we were ripening in joy. It was clear to me,
absolutely clear, that everything existed only for me: the sun, the
fog, the gold--for me. I did not ask where we were going; what did
it matter? It was pleasure to walk, to ripen, to become stronger and
more tense....
"Here ..." I-330 stopped at a door. "It so happens that today there
is some one on duty who ... I told you about him in the Ancient
House."
Carefully guarding the forces ripening within me, I read the sign:
"Medical Bureau." Automatically only I understood.
... A glass room, filled with golden fog; shelves of glass, colored
bottles, jars, electric wires, bluish sparks in tubes; and a male
Number--a very thinly flattened man. He might have been cut out of a
sheet of paper. Wherever he was, whichever way he turned, he showed
only a profile, a sharply pointed, glittering blade of a nose and
lips like scissors.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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