I could not hear what I-330 told him; I merely saw her lips when
she was talking; and I felt that I was smiling, irrepressibly,
blissfully. The scissors-like lips glittered and the doctor said,
"Yes, yes, I see. A most dangerous disease. I know of nothing more
dangerous." And he laughed. With his thin, flat, papery hand he
wrote something on a piece of paper and gave it to I-330; he wrote
on another piece of paper and handed it over to me. He had given us
certificates, testifying that we were ill, that we were unable to go
to work. Thus I stole my work from the United State; I was a thief;
I deserved to be put beneath the Machine of the Well-Doer. Yet I was
indifferent to this thought; it was as distant from me as though it
were written in a novel. I took the certificate without an instant's
hesitation. I, all my being, my eyes, my lips, my hands ... knew it
was as it should be.
At the corner, from a half empty garage we took an aero. I-330 took
the wheel as she had done before, pressed the starter and we tore
away from the earth. We soared. Behind us the golden haze; the Sun.
The thin, blade-like profile of the doctor seemed to me suddenly so
dear, so beloved. Formerly I knew everything was revolving around
the Sun. Now I knew everything was revolving around me. Slowly,
blissfully, with half-closed eyes....
At the gate of the Ancient House we found the same old woman. What
a dear mouth, with lips grown together and ray-like wrinkles around
it! Probably those lips have remained grown together all these days;
but now they parted and smiled:
"Ah! you mischievous girl, you! Work is too much for you? Well, all
right, all right. If anything happens I'll run up and warn you."
A heavy, squeaky, opaque door. It closed behind us, and at once my
heart opened painfully, widely, still wider.... My lips ... hers....
I drank and drank from them. I tore myself away; in silence I looked
into her widely open eyes, and then again....
The room in half dusk.... Blue and saffron-yellow lights, dark green
morocco leather, the golden smile of Buddha, a wide mahogany bed,
a glimmer of mirrors.... And my dream of a few days before became
so comprehensible, so clear to me; everything seemed saturated
with the golden prime-juice of life, and it seemed that I was
overflowing with it,--one second more and it would splash out....
Like iron-ore to a loadstone, in sweet submission to the precise
and unchangeable law, inevitably, I clung to her.... There was no
pink check, no counting, no United State; I myself was no more.
Only, drawn together, the tenderly-sharp teeth were there, only her
golden, widely open eyes, and through them I saw deeper, within....
And silence.... Only somewhere in a corner, thousands of miles away
it seemed, drops of water were dripping from the faucet of the
washstand. I was the Universe!
... And between drops whole epochs, eras, were elapsing....
I put on my unif and bent over I-330 to draw her into me with my
eyes--for the last time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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