MRS. M'CRANKY AT THE INTERNATIONAL FOOTBALL MATCH... "You don't require uour ulster to-day, dear," said Mrs. M'Cranky on Saturday afternoon, seeing her husband preparing to go out; "it's quite mild, and your ulster's so shabby at any rate, and you've got your heavy shoes on too--are you going to golf?" "No, I was thinking of going to the football match." This was said as if his mind had not been made up on the subject, though he had bought two tickets for the stand the week before, one of which he had forgotten to give to the friend for whom he intended it. "Is that where all the people are going? They were going down Queensferry Street in crowds just now when I came along. I wonder you can be bothered going to such a thing. May I come with you?" "You'll be tired; you've just been out; and you don't think it will be worth seeing." "I'll not be tired if I'm with you, and I don't care what it is as long as I'm beside you. I was at the Exhibition." "Come along, then; we must hurry up to get a good seat." "What a crowd of people!" said Mrs. M'Cranky, as they were entering the gate. "What do they charge for admission?" "A shilling," said Mr. M'Cranky, truthfully, but fallaciously, handing over two tickets for which he had paid 3_s._ 6_d._ each. "There's nothing to be seen but people. What are these men doing at that table?" "These are the reporters." "Is it so interesting as that? Will people read about it?" "I should think so; it's the first thing a lot of fellows look at." "But what is the game? What do they try to do?" "Well, you see, the match to-day is between Scotland and Wales. The Scotch will try to drive the ball one way, and the Welsh the other; and if they kick it over that bar, that's a goal, and counts five." "And do you mean to say that men will come all the way from Wales to kick a ball over a post?" "Yes, and crowds will come with them to see it." "Well, I didn't think men could be so stupid." "Wait till you see them at it, and you'll understand. Here they come! I hear the people shouting. There they are! That's Wales!" "They look very nice in their red jerseys. I hope they'll win." "I hope not, by jingo! or I'll lose half a--eh; why do you hope they'll win? Wouldn't you be better pleased if Scotland won?" "No; I think if they are at the trouble to come all this length, it would be only kindness of our side to let them win, and then they would go home pleased." "There's Scotland coming in at the other end; hooray!" "I hope they'll win too. They look very nice, but their jerseys are not so clean; they might have had them washed when they are receiving company. That's not a rough game. I've heard they were sometimes rough with each other." "They haven't begun yet; that's only a bit fun to stretch themselves. There's a pigeon away." "Where did it come from, dear?" "The reporters; there, it's away to the office with a message."