“Well, what were you doing down there?” “Buying wall paper.” * * * * * _She_--Yes, my husband run away and shook me when I was forty-five. _He_--That’s not a bad shake. * * * * * Are they twins? They are not. Wan is a bhoy and the ither a ghurl. * * * * * “What do you suppose makes our gas bill so large?” “Why, George, don’t you know we are light house keeping.” * * * * * When does the bank cashier buy a yacht? When he’s going to be a skipper. * * * * * “There is one thing you can’t get right unless you get it twisted.” “What is that?” “A corkscrew.” * * * * * “Why, papa, this is roast beef!” exclaimed little Archie at dinner, on the evening when Mr. Chumpleigh was present as the guest of honor. “Of course,” said the father. “What of that?” “Why, you told mamma this morning that you were going to bring a ‘muttonhead’ home for dinner this evening.” * * * * * I saw a sign in front of a fish store that said “Dry Herring.” I went in and said, “Mister, do you keep dry herring?” The storekeeper said, “Yes.” I said, “Why don’t you give them a drink?” * * * * * “He doesn’t cut any ice, does he?” “Who?” “The coal man.” * * * * * _Woods_--Who is the champion light-weight in your town? _Lewis_--My grocer. * * * * * “She asked her husband for a thousand dollars and he gave her assent.” “The mean thing!” * * * * * A thief was lately caught breaking into a song. He had already got through the first two bars, when a policeman came up and hit him with a club. * * * * * A young man asked a widow to marry him. “What’s the difference between myself and Willard Pond’s Jersey cow?” asked the widow. “I don’t know,” said the young man. “Then,” said the widow, “you’d better marry the cow.” * * * * * “How did that fight between the bridge tenders end?” “It was fought to a draw--and they both fell in!” * * * * * My girl gave me a tintype picture of herself. I put it in my pocket and went a few steps further, and fell. When I got up, she says, “Are you hurt?” I said, “Yes.” She said, “Where?” I said, “Not on your tintype.” * * * * * “Waitress, will that roll be long?” “No, sir; it will be round in a minute.” * * * * * “The boss said I was too full of my business.” “What’s your biz?” “Whiskey traveller.” * * * * * _Biggs_--That butcher is an awkward fellow. _Boggs_--Yes, I notice his hands are always in his weigh. * * * * *