“Why did Brother Dick shoot that poor crow?” “I think, my dear girl, it was because the crow gave him caws.” * * * * * _Bill_--That man is a horrible liar. _Jill_--Oh, I don’t know, I think he’s very good at it. * * * * * “My landlord is a checker-player.” “What makes you think so?” “He told me it was my move.” “Yes?” “And if I didn’t move right away, he’d make me jump.” * * * * * “You say his wife’s a brunette? I thought he married a blonde.” “He did, but she dyed.” * * * * * You ought to learn violin. Why? It will give your chin a rest. * * * * * “The trouble with you,” the doctor said, after examining the young man, “seems to be that something is the matter with your heart.” “With my heart?” “Yes. To give it a name, it is angina pectoris.” “You’ll have to guess again, doctor,” said the young man. “That isn’t her name at all.” * * * * * “Do you know what it is to love a woman?” “Do I? Why, I idealized a woman once, but she married.” [Sadly.] “Whom did she marry?” “Me.” * * * * * _He_--Why has he put her picture in his watch? _She_--Because he thinks she will love him in time. * * * * * _She_--My but I was shy when the parson asked me my age. _He_--Yes, about ten years shy. * * * * * “I took a tramp up to Harlem to-day.” “Did you leave him there?” * * * * * _Jack_--“Do you think a fellow ought to be locked up for stealing kisses?” _Flo_--“Well, I think he ought to be _tied_ up.” * * * * * _Young Wife_--“How do you like my cooking? Don’t you think I’ve begun well?” _Husband_--“Um--yes. I’ve often heard that well begun is half done.” * * * * * “He is a dealer in drawing materials.” “Crayons?” “No, mustard plasters.” * * * * * _Harry_--Hello, Charlie, what do you think happened to me the other day--I was riding on a Sixth Avenue car when a very fine young lady entered the car and I immediately arose and gave the lady my seat. _Charlie_--That was proper, perfectly proper. _Harry_--Well, I only done it to see how I stood. * * * * * They had fallen out of a balloon and landed on the skylight of one of the skyscrapers. “Where are we at?” said the bride, as they came through and landed on the floor. “Scotland.” “How do you know?” “Didn’t you hear the Glass-go!” * * * * * “I would have gone to sleep on an empty stomach last night, only for one thing.” “What was that--some one take you out for dinner?” “No, I slept on my back.” * * * * * “Where were you?” “Down on Wall Street.”