“That’s a nice pair of pants you’ve got on. Where did you get them?” “Bought ’em.” “Does your wife choose your clothes?” “No, she only picks the pockets!” * * * * * Let’s see. Your father’s a carriage-builder, isn’t he? Yes. That’s the reason I’m buggy. * * * * * When did your teeth first begin troubling you? When I was cutting them. * * * * * “I saw a goblet to-day made of bone.” “Pshaw! I saw a tumbler made of flesh and blood last night.” “Where?” “At the circus.” * * * * * If I had not defended that man he would have gone to State’s prison for ten years. What did they do with him? They hung him. * * * * * “There’s a poor man out there that would give anything to see you.” “Who is it?” “A blind man.” * * * * * _Tourist_--“I suppose I can’t get a train for three hours?” _Station Agent_--“O, yes; your train leaves in five minutes.” _Tourist_--“Ah! That’s a great wait off my mind.” * * * * * “Where are you going?” asked a little boy of another, who had slipped and fallen on an icy pavement. “Going to get up!” was the blunt reply. * * * * * “I was hit in the head with a ball bat when very young.” “And you’ve been off your base ever since.” * * * * * “My wife is a great admirer of beauty.” “She must have changed since she married you.” * * * * * “Why is a kiss like the three graces?” “It’s faith to a girl; hope to a young woman; and charity to an old maid.” * * * * * An old lady, being told that a certain lawyer “was lying at the point of death,” exclaimed: “My Gracious! Won’t even death stop that man’s lying?” * * * * * Suppose you had a buggy-top and five cents, what would you do? I would buy a fine comb. * * * * * A butcher-boy in Washington Market says he has often heard of the _fore_ quarters of the globe, but never heard any person say anything about the _hind_ quarters. * * * * * “What is it that goes with the train, stops when it stops, that’s no use to it, and yet it can’t go ten yards without it?” “Give it up.” “The noise!” * * * * * “I believe that man Swindler is a palmist.” “Why?” “Played poker with him last night, when I got up to get a drink he looked at my hand.” * * * * * I was arrested the other day for larceny. When I came before the judge he said: “Young man, you’re arrested for picking the pocket of an old man.” I said: “Your honor, I took them in rotation, just as they came in the crowd.” * * * * * _She_--Do you believe there are microbes in kisses?