What Every Woman KnowsBarrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
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What Every Woman Knows
Barrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
Comedy plays; Man-woman relationships -- Drama
Produced by David Moynihan, Charles Franks and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team
WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS
By James M. Barrie
ACT I
James Wylie is about to make a move on the dambrod, and in the little
Scotch room there is an awful silence befitting the occasion. James with
his hand poised--for if he touches a piece he has to play it, Alick
will see to that--raises his red head suddenly to read Alick’s face. His
father, who is Alick, is pretending to be in a panic lest James should
make this move. James grins heartlessly, and his fingers are about to
close on the ‘man’ when some instinct of self-preservation makes him
peep once more. This time Alick is caught: the unholy ecstasy on
his face tells as plain as porridge that he has been luring James to
destruction. James glares; and, too late, his opponent is a simple old
father again. James mops his head, sprawls in the manner most conducive
to thought in the Wylie family, and, protruding his underlip, settles
down to a reconsideration of the board. Alick blows out his cheeks, and
a drop of water settles on the point of his nose.
You will find them thus any Saturday night (after family worship, which
sends the servant to bed); and sometimes the pauses are so long that in
the end they forget whose move it is.
It is not the room you would be shown into if you were calling socially
on Miss Wylie. The drawing-room for you, and Miss Wylie in a coloured
merino to receive you; very likely she would exclaim, “This is a
pleasant surprise!” though she has seen you coming up the avenue and has
just had time to whip the dustcloths off the chairs, and to warn Alick,
David and James, that they had better not dare come in to see you before
they have put on a dickey. Nor is this the room in which you would dine
in solemn grandeur if invited to drop in and take pot-luck, which is how
the Wylies invite, it being a family weakness to pretend that they sit
down in the dining-room daily. It is the real living-room of the house,
where Alick, who will never get used to fashionable ways, can take off
his collar and sit happily in his stocking soles, and James at times
would do so also; but catch Maggie letting him.
There is one very fine chair, but, heavens, not for sitting on; just to
give the room a social standing in an emergency. It sneers at the other
chairs with an air of insolent superiority, like a haughty bride who
has married into the house for money. Otherwise the furniture is homely;
most of it has come from that smaller house where the Wylies began.
There is the large and shiny chair which can be turned into a bed if you
look the other way for a moment. James cannot sit on this chair without
gradually sliding down it till he is lying luxuriously on the small of
his back, his legs indicating, like the hands of a clock, that it is ten
past twelve; a position in which Maggie shudders to see him receiving
company.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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