What Every Woman KnowsBarrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
General
What Every Woman Knows
Barrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
Comedy plays; Man-woman relationships -- Drama
JOHN [not found wanting in a trying hour]. It’s a bribe. You are
offering me this on condition that I don’t make my speech. How can you
think so meanly of me as to believe that I would play the women’s cause
false for the sake of my own advancement. I refuse your bribe.
VENABLES [liking him for the first time]. Good. But you are wrong.
There are no conditions, and we want you to make your speech. Now do you
accept?
JOHN [still suspicious]. If you make me the same offer after you have
read it. I insist on your reading it first.
VENABLES [sighing]. By all means.
[MAGGIE is in an agony as she sees JOHN hand the speech to his leader.
On the other hand, the COMTESSE thrills.]
But I assure you we look on the speech as a small matter. The important
thing is your intention of going to a division; and we agree to that
also.
JOHN [losing his head]. What’s that?
VENABLES. Yes, we agree.
JOHN. But--but--why, you have been threatening to excommunicate me if I
dared.
VENABLES. All done to test you, Shand.
JOHN. To test me?
VENABLES. We know that a division on your Bill can have no serious
significance; we shall see to that. And so the test was to be whether
you had the pluck to divide the House. Had you been intending to talk
big in this speech, and then hedge, through fear of the Government, they
would have had no further use for you.
JOHN [heavily]. I understand. [But there is one thing he cannot
understand, which is, why VENABLES should be so sure that he is not to
hedge.]
VENABLES [turning over the pages carelessly]. Any of your good things in
this, Shand?
JOHN [whose one desire is to get the pages back]. No, I--no--it isn’t
necessary you should read it now.
VENABLES [from politeness only]. Merely for my own pleasure. I shall
look through it this evening. [He rolls up the speech to put it in his
pocket. JOHN turns despairingly to MAGGIE, though well aware that no
help can come from her.]
MAGGIE. That’s the only copy there is, John. [To VENABLES] Let me make a
fresh one, and send it to you in an hour or two.
VENABLES [good-naturedly]. I could not put you to that trouble, Mrs.
Shand. I will take good care of it.
MAGGIE. If anything were to happen to you on the way home, wouldn’t
whatever is in your pocket be considered to be the property of your
heirs?
VENABLES [laughing]. Now there is forethought! Shand, I think that
after that--! [He returns the speech to JOHN, whose hand swallows it
greedily.] She is Scotch too, Comtesse.
COMTESSE [delighted]. Yes, she is Scotch too.
VENABLES. Though the only persons likely to do for me in the street,
Shand, are your ladies’ committee. Ever since they took the horse out of
my brougham, I can scent them a mile away.
COMTESSE. A mile? Charles, peep in there.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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