What Every Woman KnowsBarrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
General
What Every Woman Knows
Barrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
Comedy plays; Man-woman relationships -- Drama
DAVID. It was on Tuesday that the polissman called at the quarry with a
very queer story. He had seen a man climbing out at this window at ten
past two.
MAGGIE. Did he chase him?
DAVID. It was so dark he lost sight of him at once.
ALICK. Tell her about the window.
DAVID. We’ve found out that the catch of the window has been pushed back
by slipping the blade of a knife between the woodwork.
MAGGIE. David.
ALICK. The polissman said he was carrying a little carpet bag.
MAGGIE. The silver plate IS gone.
DAVID. No, no. We were thinking that very likely he has bunches of keys
in the bag.
MAGGIE. Or weapons.
DAVID. As for that, we have some pretty stout weapons ourselves in the
umbrella stand. So, if you’ll go to your bed, Maggie--
MAGGIE. Me? and my brothers in danger.
ALICK. There’s just one of them.
MAGGIE. The polissman just saw one.
DAVID [licking his palms]. I would be very pleased if there were three
of them.
MAGGIE. I watch with you. I would be very pleased if there were four of
them.
DAVID. And they say she has no charm!
[JAMES returns on tiptoe as if the burglars were beneath the table. He
signs to every one to breathe no more, and then whispers his news.]
JAMES. He’s there. I had no sooner gone out than I saw him sliding down
the garden wall, close to the rhubarbs.
ALICK. What’s he like?
JAMES. He’s an ugly customer. That’s all I could see. There was a little
carpet bag in his hand.
DAVID. That’s him.
JAMES. He slunk into the rhodydendrons, and he’s there now, watching the
window.
DAVID. We have him. Out with the light.
[The room is beautified by a chandelier fitted for three gas jets,
but with the advance of progress one of these has been removed and the
incandescent light put in its place. This alone is lit. ALICK climbs a
chair, pulls a little chain, and the room is now but vaguely lit by the
fire. It plays fitfully on four sparkling faces.]
MAGGIE. Do you think he saw you, James?
JAMES. I couldn’t say, but in any case I was too clever for him. I
looked up at the stars, and yawned loud at them as if I was tremendous
sleepy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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