When you ask yourself, "What kind of person do I want to become?," try to be aware of the extent that your answer may be weighed down by feelings of blame and guilt. All too often we continue to perpetuate, unknowingly, the same old unsatisfying patterns because we are trapped by our habits of blaming others or ourselves. If you feel bogged down by feelings of guilt or burdened by the limitations of an unfair past, it may be difficult for you to develop a freely chosen sense of direction. But perhaps you will be able to acknowledge that the guilt or blame you feel is an obstacle to be overcome. If so, you have defined an objective that you may use to decide what type of counseling or therapy may be a most promising first step. What I am suggesting is that an obstacle that makes it hard for you to gain a sense of direction can _itself_ point you in a direction. If there are blocks, it can be helpful to meet them head-on. In therapy, the phrase _working through a problem_ often means exactly this. Choosing what kind of person you wish to be is a _process_, not an event. It is not something that happens and then is over. Choice is something implicit in each day of your life; sometimes it is quite conscious, but it is often dulled by the unconsciousness of habit. Your personal goals may undergo gradual or abrupt change. Psychological growth is your response to these changes in outlook. WHAT DOES THERAPY TRY TO DO? Individual therapy or counseling (therapy for groups and families will be discussed in detail later) is really an attempt to build a bridge between answers to these two now familiar questions: "Where are you now, or what kind of person are you now?" and "Where do you want to go, or what kind of person do you want to become?" Think of therapy as an attempt to build a bridge so that you can pass from a present situation to a desired way of being. Carl Rogers defines therapy as "a relationship in which at least {24} one of the parties has the intent of promoting the growth, development, maturity, improved functioning, improved coping with life of the other."[1] [1] Carl Rogers, _On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy_ (New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1961), pp. 39-40. Psychiatrist Allen Wheelis takes this definition further: Therapy may offer insights into bewildering experience, help with the making of connections, give comfort and encouragement, assist in the always slippery decision of whether to hang on and try harder or to look for a different way to try.... The place of insight is to illumine: to ascertain where one is, how one got there, how now to proceed, and to what end. It is a blueprint, as in building a house, and may be essential, but no one achieves a house by blueprints alone, no matter how accurate or detailed. A time comes when one must take up hammer and nails....[2]