If we try to pinpoint the factors that have been responsible for our lives not having turned out better, we tend to blame environmental limitations, or else we feel guilt for what we see as our own failings. Usually, we locate responsibility in both areas. Most of us, however, have unbalanced seesaws. We usually {22} blame things _outside ourselves_ for our disappointments. Doing so is a habit that allows us to avoid responsibility for ourselves and, in turn, limits our future development. On the other hand, some of us blame ourselves much too readily: we carry an exaggerated burden of responsibility, which weighs us down and also limits our growth as individuals. Ideally, psychotherapy would like us to let go of so-called "past negative conditioning"--blame as well as guilt--so that we are free to choose who we are and will become. Even though this is certainly a desirable attitude, most of us cannot really forget and let go. We are all inheritors of a tenacious past: the influences of past events have a certain power over us, and we must either resign ourselves to being controlled by the past or fight its influence. The _attitude_ we take toward the past will usually affect how we meet the future, often diminishing our freedom to change old habits and undermining our hope and faith in ourselves. For example, if Jeff blames his limitations today on his parents, on the ways they influenced him, he may set goals for himself that are far from being freely chosen. Jeff may choose them _in reaction to_ domination by his parents years ago. His parents may have tried to influence him to be a gentle, courteous person with artistic interests. But as a result of other past influences--for example, because of frequent moves of the family and repeatedly being bullied as the "new kid" at different schools--Jeff may feel hostile toward others, so (in reaction to his parents' influence and because of pent-up hostility) he decides to go into science (rather than art, for which he perhaps has a talent) and rejects gentle, courteous qualities in himself. It is difficult to choose freely. Some psychologists do not believe it actually is possible. And yet, whether we are ever truly free or not, we still try to plan our lives, and we believe our plans (and frequently the lack of them) have something to do with what we make of living. Most people who enter counseling or psychotherapy want to improve some aspect of their living. Individuals whose seesaw is weighted on the side of blaming outside influences too often come to feel it is too much work and quit therapy because they cannot accept the need to make choices and decisions _in spite of_ past influences. On the other hand, people who blame {23} themselves may be so guilt-ridden that they are impaired in their openness to the future and feel unable to initiate fundamental changes in their lives.