Hitherto her voice had been hard, possibly in self-accusation, possibly in defiance. Now it became unmistakably sad. “Ah, the telegram! That was wrong. Lilia there was more cowardly than I was. We should have told the truth. It lost me my nerve, at all events. I came to the station meaning to tell you everything then. But we had started with a lie, and I got frightened. And at the end, when you left, I got frightened again and came with you.” “Did you really mean to stop?” “For a time, at all events.” “Would that have suited a newly married pair?” “It would have suited them. Lilia needed me. And as for him--I can’t help feeling I might have got influence over him.” “I am ignorant of these matters,” said Philip; “but I should have thought that would have increased the difficulty of the situation.” The crisp remark was wasted on her. She looked hopelessly at the raw over-built country, and said, “Well, I have explained.” “But pardon me, Miss Abbott; of most of your conduct you have given a description rather than an explanation.” He had fairly caught her, and expected that she would gape and collapse. To his surprise she answered with some spirit, “An explanation may bore you, Mr. Herriton: it drags in other topics.” “Oh, never mind.” “I hated Sawston, you see.” He was delighted. “So did and do I. That’s splendid. Go on.” “I hated the idleness, the stupidity, the respectability, the petty unselfishness.” “Petty selfishness,” he corrected. Sawston psychology had long been his specialty. “Petty unselfishness,” she repeated. “I had got an idea that every one here spent their lives in making little sacrifices for objects they didn’t care for, to please people they didn’t love; that they never learnt to be sincere--and, what’s as bad, never learnt how to enjoy themselves. That’s what I thought--what I thought at Monteriano.” “Why, Miss Abbott,” he cried, “you should have told me this before! Think it still! I agree with lots of it. Magnificent!” “Now Lilia,” she went on, “though there were things about her I didn’t like, had somehow kept the power of enjoying herself with sincerity. And Gino, I thought, was splendid, and young, and strong not only in body, and sincere as the day. If they wanted to marry, why shouldn’t they do so? Why shouldn’t she break with the deadening life where she had got into a groove, and would go on in it, getting more and more--worse than unhappy--apathetic till she died? Of course I was wrong. She only changed one groove for another--a worse groove. And as for him--well, you know more about him than I do. I can never trust myself to judge characters again. But I still feel he cannot have been quite bad when we first met him. Lilia--that I should dare to say it!--must have been cowardly. He was only a boy--just going to turn into something fine, I thought--and she must have mismanaged him. So that is the one time I have gone against what is proper, and there are the results. You have an explanation now.”