We talked for a while, and then he gaped and said: “Excuse me”; and I gaped and said: “Excuse me.” Then after a bit I gaped and said: “Pardon me”; and he gaped immediately after me and said: “Pardon me,” and we went on talking. Finally he said: “Don’t you think it’s a long gap between gaps?” I said: “So it is.” Then, feeling one coming on, I said: “Have a gap on me.” He said: “Not on your life! The last one was on you; have this one on me”—and I did. I said: “It’s awfully slow here, isn’t it?” “I should say it is,” he replied. I said: “Let’s go home.” “I am home,” he said; “my wife is giving this affair.” * * * * * My mother-in-law is a lovely woman—at least, that’s what my wife tells me, anyway; so it must be so. The old dame thinks a great deal of me, too—in fact, she’s always thinking of me, and she’s not the little girl that’s afraid to tell me what she’s thinking, either. My! but my left ear is burning! We came near losing her the other day—unintentionally on our part, too, because you couldn’t lose her if you tried. It happened in this way: We have a large, old-fashioned clock hanging in the hall. It’s a massive affair and weighs quite a bit. Well, we were all surprised to hear a terrible crash, which was caused by the clock falling from its place on the wall and breaking in a thousand pieces. Now my mother-in-law figures in the story in this way: She had been standing right underneath that clock only two minutes before it fell—and had walked away. Of course, I was awfully sorry—to lose the clock, as it had been in our family for generations back, and in all those years it had kept good time up until the time it fell—and then it was ONLY TWO MINUTES SLOW. [Illustration: Only two minutes slow ] * * * * * I was walking along the street the other day when a tramp walked up and touched me on the arm. He said: “Pardon me, but I have seen better days.” I said: “So have I. I can remember back when such awful weather as this was unknown.” [Illustration: A tramp touched me on the arm ] I said: “So long,” and started to walk away, but little Willie was right there. “Excuse me,” he said, “but will you give me five cents for a bite to eat?” I said: “A bite! what good is a bite? If you had a meal for sale I might talk business to you.” * * * * * Of all the narrow escapes from death I ever witnessed I think the one that I saw to-day was nothing short of a miracle. I was walking along Broadway [substitute local street] when my attention was attracted to a man standing on a scaffold painting an advertising sign on the fourth story of a building. It made me feel dizzy to look up at him. He worked away, seemingly unconscious of his dangerous position.