_Sir Jasp._ [_Aside._] He! he! he! poor fellow, he's in the right on't, faith. To squire women about for other folks is as ungrateful an employment, as to tell money for other folks.--[_Aloud._] He! he! he! be'n't angry, Horner. _Lady Fid._ No, 'tis I have more reason to be angry, who am left by you, to go abroad indecently alone; or, what is more indecent, to pin myself upon such ill-bred people of your acquaintance as this is. _Sir Jasp._ Nay, prithee, what has he done? _Lady Fid._ Nay, he has done nothing. _Sir Jasp._ But what d'ye take ill, if he has done nothing? _Lady Fid._ Ha! ha! ha! faith, I can't but laugh however; why, d'ye think the unmannerly toad would come down to me to the coach? I was fain to come up to fetch him, or go without him, which I was resolved not to do; for he knows china very well, and has himself very good, but will not let me see it, lest I should beg some; but I will find it out, and have what I came for yet. _Horn._ [_Apart to_ Lady FIDGET, _as he follows her to the door._] Lock the door, madam.--[_Exit_ Lady FIDGET, _and locks the door._]--[_Aloud._] So, she has got into my chamber and locked me out. Oh the impertinency of woman-kind! Well, Sir Jasper, plain-dealing is a jewel; if ever you suffer your wife to trouble me again here, she shall carry you home a pair of horns; by my lord mayor she shall; though I cannot furnish you myself, you are sure, yet I'll find a way. _Sir Jasp._ Ha! ha! he!--[_Aside._] At my first coming in, and finding her arms about him, tickling him it seems, I was half jealous, but now I see my folly.--[_Aloud._] He! he! he! poor Horner. _Horn._ Nay, though you laugh now, 'twill be my turn ere long. Oh women, more impertinent, more cunning, and more mischievous than their monkeys, and to me almost as ugly!--Now is she throwing my things about and rifling all I have; but I'll get into her the back way, and so rifle her for it. _Sir Jasp._ Ha! ha! ha! poor angry Horner. _Horn._ Stay here a little, I'll ferret her out to you presently, I warrant. _Exit at the other door._ [Sir JASPER _talks through the door to his_ Wife, _she answers from within._ _Sir Jasp._ Wife! my Lady Fidget! wife! he is coming in to you the back way. _Lady Fid._ Let him come, and welcome, which way he will. _Sir Jasp._ He'll catch you, and use you roughly, and be too strong for you. _L. Fid._ Don't you trouble yourself, let him if he can. _Quack._ [_Aside._] This indeed I could not have believed from him, nor any but my own eyes. _Enter_ Mrs. SQUEAMISH. _Mrs. Squeam._ Where's this woman-hater, this toad, this ugly, greasy, dirty sloven? _Sir Jasp._ [_Aside._] So, the women all will have him ugly; methinks he is a comely person, but his wants make his form contemptible to 'em; and 'tis e'en as my wife said yesterday, talking of him, that a proper handsome eunuch was as ridiculous a thing as a gigantic coward.