_Lyd._ Faith, no; I believe it will not be much to our advantages to bring my face or your poetry to light: for I hope you have yet a pretty good opinion of my face, and so have I of your wit. But if you are for proving your wit, why do not you write a play? _Dap._ Because 'tis now no more reputation to write a play, than it is honour to be a knight. Your true wit despises the title of poet, as much as your true gentleman the title of knight; for as a man may be a knight and no gentleman, so a man may be a poet and no wit, let me perish! _Lyd._ Pray, sir, how are you dignified or distinguished amongst the rates of wits? and how many rates are there? _Dap._ There are as many degrees of wits as of lawyers: as there is first your solicitor, then your attorney, then your pleading-counsel, then your chamber-counsel, and then your judge; so there is first your court-wit, your coffee-wit, your poll-wit, or politic-wit, your chamber-wit, or scribble-wit, and last of all, your judge-wit, or critic. _Lyd._ But are there as many wits as lawyers? Lord, what will become of us!--What employment can they have? how are they known? _Dap._ First, your court-wit is a fashionable, insinuating, flattering, cringing, grimacing fellow--and has wit enough to solicit a suit of love; and if he fail, he has malice enough to ruin the woman with a dull lampoon:--but he rails still at the man that is absent, for you must know all wits rail; and his wit properly lies in combing perukes, matching ribbons, and being severe, as they call it, upon other people's clothes. _Lyd._ Now, what is the coffee-wit? _Dap._ He is a lying, censorious, gossiping, quibbling wretch, and sets people together by the ears over that sober drink, coffee: he is a wit, as he is a commentator, upon the Gazette; and he rails at the pirates of Algier, the Grand Signior of Constantinople, and the Christian Grand Signior. _Lyd._ What kind of man is your poll-wit? _Dap._ He is a fidgetting, busy, dogmatical, hot-headed fop, that speaks always in sentences and proverbs, (as other in similitudes,) and he rails perpetually against the present government. His wit lies in projects and monopolies, and penning speeches for young parliament men. _Lyd._ But what is your chamber-wit, or scribble-wit? _Dap._ He is a poring, melancholy, modest sot, ashamed of the world: he searches all the records of wit, to compile a breviate of them for the use of players, printers, booksellers, and sometimes cooks, tobacco-men; he employs his railing against the ignorance of the age, and all that have more money than he. _Lyd._ Now your last. _Dap._ Your judge-wit, or critic, is all these together, and yet has the wit to be none of them: he can think, speak, write, as well as the rest, but scorns (himself a judge) to be judged by posterity: he rails at all the other classes of wits, and his wit lies in damning all but himself:--he is your true wit. _Lyd._ Then, I suspect you are of his form.