Ellinor Baxter laughed scornfully. “John would be a less spoiled
citizen without you. You are wasting the best years of your life.
Soon you will be thirty.”
“I am thirty. This is my birthday.” I said it defiantly, because,
uttered, it sounded so very, very ancient.
Ellinor suddenly softened. “You look a young twenty-five. Some women
begin to fade at twenty-five. Some mornings when you rush past to
school you look eighteen——
“And her eyes are dark and humid, like the depth on depth of
lustre.
Hid i’ the harebell, while her tresses, sunnier than the
wildgrape cluster,
Gush in golden-tinted plenty——”
“Ellinor!”
But Ellinor was in deadly earnest. Her eyes were full of tears.
“Child,” she said, “get away from here. Love, marry, fulfil your
destiny.”
For just a moment I stopped and shut my eyes, pretending that a brier
had caught my skirt. With shut eyes I knew that deep in the emerald
world about me the black gum flaunted its crimson leaves—emblem of
change; that the corn in long, straight rows stood hardening in
the ear; that the mountains, glistening chain on glistening chain,
were shimmering in the morning light. Standing there, I saw more:
October’s pageant; November’s dull, soft tones; the desolation and
the grayness that is December mountains’ dim forms seen through
curtains of rain; January’s white, white world—and then the surprise
of a snowdrop, the warm, fragrant spring breath of the south wind
shepherding flocks of snowy clouds.
“I love it all,” I said. And I spoke the truth. Since that August
Sunday now a month past, since that earthquake upheaval, I have
basked in peace. “I am busy. Most of the year I wake with just the
thought of scrambling into my clothes, swallowing my breakfast, and
getting to the schoolroom in time. When it is winter it is almost
dark when I get home; when it is spring I have my flowers. And
there’s always John’s clothes to mend and my own to make and——”
But with a gesture that was passionate Ellinor Baxter stopped me.
“All this may satisfy at thirty, but it won’t feed a woman’s heart at
forty. Then she feels the need of love—contact with a man’s broader
life. The monotony, the emptiness of life as she lives it alone
tortures at forty. I know, for I am thirty-eight. And if she finds
this out at forty it is mostly too late. Men pass us by for fresher
faces.”
I did not know this new Ellinor Baxter who had lifted her mask and
given me a peep at the real woman behind it, but for the first time
in my life I loved her.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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