So accustomed am I to space that I could not be boxed up in lower
twelve last night, so I took the whole section. This morning as I
stood on my bed reaching up for my skirt the train took a sharp
curve that landed me in the aisle of the car. Visions of a hospital
danced with a million stars before my eyes. A young, lovely girl
helped me back into my berth. No one else, not even the porter, had
witnessed my humiliation. In a little while, in spite of my aching
head, I collected my senses sufficiently to get to the dressing-room.
Making myself presentable was a clutching sort of experience. I have
not spent the night in a train since I was eighteen, and I must
have been more agile then. When I emerged from dressing I felt as a
mountaineer’s baby must feel when it is being hushed to sleep. If you
have ever seen one being flung from side to side of its rude little
cradle, threshed about like a weaver’s shuttle, then you understand
perfectly.
The girl was waiting for me; she proposed that we breakfast together.
In the dining car, under the stimulus of the coffee, which stopped my
headache, I told the girl about my little book and that I was going
on for my first trip. Back in the coach we were the only passengers
and we sat together; she told me about herself. She is going to New
York, too. She is going to join the great army of workers. She is
so sweet and young, so girlish and refined, so beautifully although
simply dressed, that I think my face must have shown my astonishment
and regret. That she should be adrift in a great city seemed too
dreadful—one of its labourers, and on small wages, in desolate
lodgings, isolated from all social life with her kind. I thought of
the city’s temptations for a lonely, beautiful girl. And I said:
“Child, go back to your family. Haven’t you somebody?”
“I have my little baby that lies in the cemetery.” Her young laugh
rang bitter. “I am all alone. I left my husband—he didn’t love
baby and me any longer. I mean he didn’t love me. He adored baby.
She adored him, too. She used to say, ‘I’m des trazy ’bout my dear
daddy.’” She looked from the window; I could see her chin quiver.
When she turned back to me her voice was quite steady. “I want to be
fair to him. When baby died it hurt him cruelly, and always when I
place flowers in the little urn at the head of baby’s grave, I find
beautiful ones in the urn at the foot. I know, although he does not
love me any longer, that it hurts him for me to be a wage-earner. But
I can’t take his money. You—you don’t believe in divorce?” Her voice
was half timid.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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