Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
“I have a lot of things to say to you,” he announced. “That is to
say--well--I have, if things are as I hope.” She got off the horse and
they stood together by the side of the path. Sam never forgot the few
minutes of silence that followed. The wide prospects of green sward, the
golf player trudging wearily toward them through the uncertain light,
his bag upon his shoulder, the air of physical fatigue with which he
walked, bending slightly forward, the faint, soft sound of waves washing
over a low beach, and the intense waiting look on the face she turned
up to him, made an impression on his mind that stayed with him through
life. It seemed to him that he had arrived at a kind of culmination, a
starting point, and that all the vague shadowy uncertainties that had,
in reflective moments, flitted through his mind, were to be brushed
away by some act, some word, from the lips of this woman. With a rush he
realised how consistently he had been thinking of her and how enormously
he had been counting on her falling in with his plans, and the
realisation was followed by a sickening moment of fear. How little he
actually knew of her and of her way of thought. What assurance had he
that she would not laugh, jump back upon the horse, and ride away? He
was afraid as he had never been afraid before. Dumbly his mind groped
about for a way to begin. Expressions he had caught and noted in her
strong serious little face when he had achieved but a mild curiosity
concerning her came back to visit his mind and he tried desperately to
build an instant idea of her from these. And then turning his face from
her he plunged directly into his thoughts of the past months as though
she had been sharing talking to the colonel.
“I have been thinking we might marry, you and I,” he said, and cursed
himself for the blundering bluntness of the declaration.
“You do get things done, don’t you?” she replied, smiling.
“Why should you have been thinking anything of the sort?”
“Because I want to live with you,” he said; “I have been talking to the
colonel.”
“About marrying me?” She seemed about to begin laughing.
He hurried on. “No, not that. We talked about you. I could not let him
alone. He might have known. I kept making him talk. I made him tell me
about your ideas. I felt I had to know.”
Sam faced her.
“He thinks your ideas absurd. I do not. I like them. I like you. I think
you are beautiful. I do not know whether I love you or not, but for
weeks I have been thinking of you and clinging to you and saying over
and over to myself, ‘I want to live my life with Sue Rainey.’ I did not
expect to go at it this way. You know me. What you do not know I will
tell you.”
“Sam McPherson, you are a wonder,” she said, “and I do not know but that
I will marry you in the end, but I can’t tell now. I want to know a lot
of things. I want to know if you are ready to believe what I believe and
to live for what I want to live.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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