Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
The newsboy of Caxton was not without a hunger for religion. Like all
boys he thought much and often of death. In the night he sometimes
awakened cold with fear, thinking that death must be just without the
door of his room waiting for him. When in the winter he had a cold and
coughed, he trembled at the thought of tuberculosis. Once, when he was
taken with a fever, he fell asleep and dreamed that he had died and was
walking on the trunk of a fallen tree over a ravine filled with lost
souls that shrieked with terror. When he awoke he prayed. Had some one
come into his room and heard his prayer he would have been ashamed.
On winter evenings as he walked through the dark streets with the papers
under his arm he thought of his soul. As he thought a tenderness came
over him; a lump came into his throat and he pitied himself; he felt
that there was something missing in his life, something he wanted very
badly.
Under John Telfer’s influence, the boy, who had quit school to devote
himself to money making, read Walt Whitman and had a season of admiring
his own body with its straight white legs, and the head that was poised
so jauntily on the body. Sometimes he would awaken on summer nights and
be so filled with strange longing that he would creep out of bed and,
pushing open the window, sit upon the floor, his bare legs sticking out
beyond his white nightgown, and, thus sitting, yearn eagerly toward some
fine impulse, some call, some sense of bigness and of leadership that
was absent from the necessities of the life he led. He looked at the
stars and listened to the night noises, so filled with longing that the
tears sprang to his eyes.
Once, after the affair of the bugle, Jane McPherson had been ill--and
the first touch of the finger of death reaching out to her--had sat with
her son in the warm darkness in the little grass plot at the front of
the house. It was a clear, warm, starlit evening without a moon, and as
the two sat closely together a sense of the coming of death crept over
the mother.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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