Wisdom while you wait : $b Being a foretaste of the glories of the 'Insidecompletuar Britanniaware' ... — John Shaqi
Wisdom while you wait : $b Being a foretaste of the glories of the 'Insidecompletuar Britanniaware' ...Lucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
General
Wisdom while you wait : $b Being a foretaste of the glories of the 'Insidecompletuar Britanniaware' ...
Lucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
Encyclopaedia Britannica -- Humor; English wit and humor
To Shipowners.
Our volumes make the best ballast.
* * * * *
Mr. J. Pierpont Morgan writes:--
‘We are ballasting all the vessels in our new White Stripe Line with
your superb and avoirdupoisy Cyclo. Please send eighty more kegs.’
To Authors.
No one engaged in authorship can afford to be without these priceless
volumes. They contain the material of all books written or unwritten.
* * * * *
As a literary man has sung:--
It all comes out of the books I read,
And it all goes into the books I write.
To Athletes.
Try your strength by lifting our volumes.
By gradual stages adding a volume every few days one will soon come to
LIFT THE WHOLE SET.
President Roosevelt writes:--‘My chest measurement has increased 8
inches and my biceps 4 since I bought the INSIDE. BRIT. If you will
send me your Atlas and the History of the War I can box Tammany and the
Trusts into the Atlantic.’
* * * * *
Eugene Sandow writes:--‘I now use your volumes exclusively in my
schools of Physical Culture in place of the old-fashioned weights,
bar-bells, &c.’
To Travellers.
Intending residents in countries liable to seismic disturbances
will find that the stability of their houses is enormously enhanced
by the possession even of a single volume of the INSIDECOMPLETUAR
BRITANNIAWARE. A whole set will render the flimsiest structure
practically
PROOF AGAINST EARTHQUAKE.
* * * * *
The Marquis Ito writes:--‘Since the arrival of your volumes my house
has preserved an immobility that would break the heart of General
French.’
* * * * *
Mr. Richard Poseidon Cadbury writes:--‘All Earth-Quakers welcome thy
solidifying tomes.’
To Photographers.
A complete set of the INSIDECOMPLETUAR BRITANNIAWARE when used as a
background for portraits of learned men is invaluable for imparting an
aroma of omniscience.
* * * * *
Messrs. Bassoono write:--‘Our series of photographs of the members
of Mr. C. K. Shorter’s Academy of Letters, under the title ‘Types of
English Genius’ would be nothing but for your INSIDECOMPLETUAR. We
inclose for your inspection a portrait of Mr. Lecky casually consulting
his own biography in Vol. LIV.’
To the Army.
Entrenched behind a complete set of the INSIDECOMPLETUAR BRITANNIAWARE,
two well-armed men can keep a host at bay.
The INSIDECOMPLETUAR BRITANNIAWARE is a
CONVENIENT AND PORTABLE EARTHWORK.
No shot or shell can pierce it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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