Bildungsromans; France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Villages -- France -- Fiction
which we may learn the sensation of happiness), of a happiness that
would be realised by my staying and living there by her side. But in
this again the temporary cessation of Habit played a great part. I was
giving the milk-girl the benefit of what was really my own entire being,
ready to taste the keenest joys, which now confronted her. As a rule it
is with our being reduced to a minimum that we live, most of our
faculties lie dormant because they can rely upon Habit, which knows what
there is to be done and has no need of their services. But on this
morning of travel, the interruption of the routine of my existence, the
change of place and time had made their presence indispensable. My
habits, which were sedentary and not matutinal, played me false, and all
my faculties came hurrying to take their place, viewing with one another
in their zeal, rising, each of them, like waves in a storm, to the same
unaccustomed level, from the basest to the most exalted, from breath,
appetite, the circulation of my blood to receptivity and imagination. I
cannot say whether, so as to make me believe that this girl was unlike
the rest of women, the rugged charm of these barren tracts had been
added to her own, but if so she gave it back to them. Life would have
seemed an exquisite thing to me if only I had been free to spend it,
hour after hour, with her, to go with her to the stream, to the cow, to
the train, to be always at her side, to feel that I was known to her,
had my place in her thoughts. She would have initiated me into the
delights of country life and of the first hours of the day. I signalled
to her to give me some of her coffee. I felt that I must be noticed by
her. She did not see me; I called to her. Above her body, which was of
massive build, the complexion of her face was so burnished and so ruddy
that she appeared almost as though I were looking at her through a
lighted window. She had turned and was coming towards me; I could not
take my eyes from her face which grew larger as she approached, like a
sun which it was somehow possible to arrest in its course and draw
towards one, letting itself be seen at close quarters, blinding the eyes
with its blaze of red and gold. She fastened on me her penetrating
stare, but while the porters ran along the platform shutting doors the
train had begun to move. I saw her leave the station and go down the
hill to her home; it was broad daylight now; I was speeding away from
the dawn. Whether my exaltation had been produced by this girl or had on
the other hand been responsible for most of the pleasure that I had
found in the sight of her, in the sense of her presence, in either event
she was so closely associated with it that my desire to see her again
was really not so much a physical as a mental desire, not to allow this
state of enthusiasm to perish utterly, not to be separated for ever from
the person who, although quite unconsciously, had participated in it. It
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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