Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three ActsJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three Acts
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English drama
Clara. (_Facing him with quiet contempt--a pause._) Put down your hands,
father. That period of my life is over. (_Crosses. Dex. steps back, then
throws himself into chair, leans his head on his arms, and bursts into
tears r.c._)
Dex. (_Crying._) My own child hates me.
Clara. (_Crossing and laying a hand on his shoulder gently._) I don’t
mean to be hard, father, but you can’t expect much love and duty from
me. Curses and blows were all you ever gave me as a child, and ever
since I became a woman you have merely hawked me about as your decoy.
Dex. (_ Whimpering._) I only want you to do what’s for your own good.
Clara. (_Turns away L._) Yes, but you must allow me to be the judge of
that--and come--you haven’t had much cause to grumble up to now. You’ve
been able to be drunk every night for the last three months.
Dex. (_Rises c._) I ain’t been drunk. (_Takes hat off table r. c._)
Clara. Not for you perhaps--(_goes l. a little_)--drunk in the ordinary
sense of the word--and I will get you something to-day if I can.
Dex. (_Drying his eyes._) God bless you, Clara, you’re a good girl. Do
you think you’ll be able to get a twenty?
Clara. You must leave it to me. I’ll get you as much as I can.
Allen. (_Off l._) Thank you, Mr. Puffin.
Piff. (_Off l._) Piffin, Piffin, sir.
Clara. (_Moving away towards door--upper l._) Come into the next room
now. Here’s Allen coming back.
Dex. (_As he follows her out._) Say you want to help a poor woman who’s
very ill, and has been ordered nourishing food and--(_gags._)
(_Exeunt Clara and Dex. upper l._)
(_Enter Allen and Piff. l. Allen is completely dressed in the height of
walking costume, and is evidently very uncomfortable. Enter Peters c.
Pet. puts photo case on table r. c. Exits down c. Allen has on hat and
coat, and Piff. is carrying his umbrella and gloves. Allen should be got
up in a slightly exaggerated masher style. He is smoking a cigarette._)
Allen. I carn’t breathe, Mr. Puffin.
Piff. Oh, you will soon get used to that, sir. And would you please to
remember my name is Piffin, sir? (_Taking his hand._) Why, surely these
are nines, sir, I think we could get them down to eight and a half, and
if I were you, sir, I would show a little more cuff, sir, it’s always
done in good society, sir; besides, it makes the hand look smaller; a
little cuff, sir, goes a long way in good society.
Allen. Thank you, Mr. Piffin. (_Shakes his hand._)
Piff. Thank you, sir, but I don’t think you ought to shake hands with
me, sir. And when you do shake hands with your friends, sir--allow me
(_takes Allen’s hand_) shake high, sir. (_Shakes his hand high._) You’ll
see it’s always done in good society, sir. Lord Carmichael’s man told me
he met you yesterday, sir.
Allen. I--I don’t know him, do I?
Piff. Oh, no, sir, but he knows you, sir, and he was rather complaining
of your walk, sir?
Allen. Why, what’s it got to do with him?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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