Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three ActsJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three Acts
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English drama
Baron, (_l._) Ja, I say to myself, my fren Rollitt--I always call you my
fren--my fren Rollitt, I say, he is a gut fellow--he has money--all
he vants is family. (_Guss. goes to Dex. l. c._) He must marry family.
(_Dex. goes c. and tries to hear conversation--Baron notices it and
crosses to r.with Allen._) Now, Miss Dexter, she is a nice girl--ach,
such a nice girl--but she has no family.
Allen. No--not yet. (_Luke gets near fireplace R._)
Baron, (_r. Seeing it after a while._) Ah, nein, nein--I do not mean vat
you mean--I mean family de oder vay--backvards--dead uns.
Allen. Oh!
Baron. Ja. Now, dere is my niece, look at her family! Look at her
ancestors--all barons--German barons! And she is such a nice girl--so
beaudiful--so plump--ach, I will indroduce her to you. She vill mash
you--so much. She--
(_Enter Mrs. R., Deb. behind her, lower l. door. Seeing the room full
she stands by door hesitatingly._)
Guss. (_Coming down and interrupting, with a sneering laugh._) Your
nurse, Rollitt, I think. (_Comes c. Luke goes to fireplace R._)
Allen. (_Turns and sees them, and then goes towards them._) Yes, Mr.
Gussett--the best nurse a man can have--my mother.
(_Guss. confused, but soon recovers himself and laughs it off. Col. D.,
Luke, and Clara come forward to greet Mrs. R. and Deb. l. c., and the
customary ceremony, etc., is gone through--all speaking together._)
Clara. (_Smiling pleasantly, shakes hands with Mrs. R._) Good-morning,
Mrs. Rollitt. You are looking so well and jolly. How are you, my dear?
(_To Deb. Between these two the greeting is really strained and awkward,
although outwardly pleasant enough. Clara kisses Deb., but Deb. seems
to shrink--she turns away. Clara notices this, and follows Deb. as she
turns away up c., with a meaning look. While it has been going on the
greeting between Mrs. R. and Luke has taken place--Mrs. R. down l._)
Allen. (_Finishing his introduction of Mrs. R. and Baron._) The Baron
von Schnorr--Mrs. Rollitt, my mother.
Baron. Your mudder--Oh, impossible. (_Goes l. c._)
Mrs. R. (_Huffy._) I beg your pardon, Mr. Snort.
Baron. Ach, ja, you are laughing at me--not your mudder.
(_Clara walks round at back, drops down r. near Luke._)
Mrs. R. (_Very indignant._) Yes--his mother. Don’t you cast any of your
nasty foreign insinuations upon me. I’m his lawful married mother, and
his father was his father, and a better man never lived, as anyone in
Exmoor--
Allen. (_Soothing her._) It’s all right, mother, the Baron only means
it complimentary. Thee’st supposed to look too young to be anybody’s
mother. He has to take (_Clara sits r._) thee for my sister.
(_Laughing--goes up l. c. with Dex._)
Baron. Ja--I take you for his sister. Ach, you English ladies, you never
seem to get more old--you only get more round, more--more jolly.
Mrs. R. (_Still indignant._) Ah--foolishness. (_Ruffling her dress and
sitting very stiff l. on sofa._)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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