Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three ActsJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three Acts
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English drama
Clara. “Oh, dear” means very bad. Debts. (_With assumed bewilderment._)
Awful!
Allen. (_Smiling._) What sort of debts?
Clara. Oh, all sorts--tradespeople, you know, and all that, and then I
thought I could win a little by betting--(_Allen rises_)--and put it all
right--and I’ve been and lost. Oh dear!
Allen. (_Vexed, goes c._) I should ha’ thought there wur enough fools
among us men trying to win money that way.
Clara. I am naughty, I know--but papa leaves everything to me, and I get
so frightened when I see the debts mounting up and nothing to meet them,
and I’ve no one to advise me. (_Crosses l._)
Allen. (_After a pause, rises, goes to Clara--kindly._) I didn’t mean
to speak unkind, lass. I’m full of old-fashioned notions about women, I
suppose. I like ’em to be women--not mere men in petticoats. How much
does thee owe?
Clara. Oh, heaps! (_Handing him pocket-book._) Look. (_Allen crosses to
R. and sits at table._) And I haven’t any money. (_Rising and looking
over his shoulder R., as he examines the book._) Do you think they’ll
put me in prison?
Allen. (_Turns--laughing._) Thee ought to be taken in charge by
somebody, that’s certain. (_Allen rises, puts some notes from his
pocket-book into hers, and hands it back to her._) I owe your father
a little over one or two bets. I can take it off that and give him the
rest, like. (_Crosses to l._)
Clara. (_Takes book and lays it on the table--the notes drop out on to
the table._) You are good, Allen, really. (_Puts book on table R.--half
to herself._) I wish sometimes that you weren’t--that you were more like
other men I have met. (_Turning away r._)
Allen. Why, would thee like me better?
Clara. No, but I should like myself better.
Allen. What do thee mean, lass?
Clara. Nothing. I’m not used to your sort of men. (_Goes to fireplace,
then up R., throwing off her seriousness and turning towards him._) You
are like the knight, Allen, out of some old legend that comes and slays
the dragon and sets the frightened princess free from all her trouble.
(_Laughing._)
Allen. (_Goes to table r. Clara r.c. at top of table._) When art thee
going to gie me the right to be thy knight always?
Clara..(_Sits at table playfully._) Ah, the gallant knights are apt
to turn into grim jailers--(_comes l. of r. table_)--when they get the
princess into their own castles.
Allen. Can’t thee believe me, Clara? Trust me, lass--I’m only a rough
country chap to be asking a beautiful lady like thee to be my wife. But
if I can’t gie thee anything very showy on the outside, it will make me
the more eager alius to keep a loving heart for thee within.
Clara. Oh, no. (_Sits in chair l. of table._) A lover on his knees is so
much nicer than a lover on your arm. You are so nice, Allen, as you are,
you can’t think. I really couldn’t bring myself to risk a change.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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