SWANS. (_seeing WOODCOCK_) Ah, Woodcock! how d'ye do? (_receiving a hat and cloak from MAID, and coming forward putting them on_) That'll do! Good night, Woodcock! (_crosses to L._) WOOD. Stop a bit! you don't mean to say you're going home, Swansdown? SWANS. Of course I am! I ought to have been in bed two hours ago. (_yawning_) WOOD. So ought I! (_yawning_) I say, Swansdown, how do you manage it? SWANS. Manage what? WOOD. To go home without Mrs. Swansdown? SWANS. I leave her behind! WOOD. Exactly--but--how do you manage to leave her behind? SWANS. I go home without her! WOOD. I see! SWANS. Good night! (_going_) WOOD. (_stopping him again_) Don't be in a hurry! SWANS. I am so sleepy! (_yawning_) WOOD. So am I. (_yawning_) SWANS. The fact is, Woodcock, (_yawning, WOODCOCK does the same_) before I got married, I had seen a good deal of this sort of fun. (_yawning very loud_) WOOD. So had I! (_yawning very loud_) SWANS. In short, I married, not to go out, but to stop at home! (_yawning_) WOOD. (_yawning_) So did I! but how do you manage it? SWANS. Manage what? WOOD. Why, to stop at home? SWANS. I don't go out! WOOD. Exactly--but how do you manage to "don't go out?" SWANS. I stop at home. WOOD. I see! SWANS. I hit on a very simple plan! I had a regular stock of sudden indispositions to meet every invitation that came in; headaches, rheumatisms, lumbagoes, &c., &c., Mrs. Swansdown grumbled a good deal at first, but she soon got used to it, and---- WOOD. (_suddenly grasping SWANSDOWN'S hand, and shaking it violently_) Thank you, Swansdown! I'm obliged to you, Swansdown! good night, Swansdown. (_stopping him again_) One moment--when you married Mrs. Swansdown, had she got a Carver? SWANS. A what? WOOD. A Carver--I mean, a mother? SWANS. No! WOOD. Never mind! Good night, Swansdown! Go home to bed, Swansdown! _Exit SWANSDOWN, L._ I'll try it! I will, by Jove! there's that horrible fancy dress ball to-morrow night! what "sudden indisposition" shall I have--I've had the measles---- _Enter LARKINGS at C. in very fashionable evening costume._ LARK. (_R. C., seeing WOODCOCK_) Ah, Woodcock! All alone, eh? I'm afraid you're not enjoying yourself? WOOD. (_L. C._) Yes, I am--in a quiet way! LARK. Delightful party, eh? By-the-bye--I congratulate you--your wife is really a very nice sort of person--very nice, indeed! (_in a patronizing tone_) but her dancing has been sadly neglected. However, make yourself easy, I've engaged her for the next three polkas on purpose to teach her the proper step! WOOD. Have you? LARK. After that I'm engaged to Mrs. Swansdown for the rest of the evening. Swansdown's gone home as usual! ha, ha! poor Swansdown! "when the cat's away," you know, eh? ha, ha! WOOD. (_drawing himself up_) Mr. Christopher Larkings!