WOOD. Yes, very delightful; but very fatiguing; besides, I've seen it all. I know Switzerland and Italy, just as well as I do St. Martin's Church. I admit I've only seen the Colosseum at Rome, twice; but as on my _second_ visit I found it in exactly the same state as on my _first_ visit, I've no wish to pay it a _third_ visit, merely to establish the fact that on my third visit, I found it in exactly the same state as on my second visit. MRS. L. But your _wife_ hasn't seen it. WOOD. What of that? I can describe it to her, can't I? besides, I married to stop at home, not to go abroad! in a word, Mrs. Woodcock, like a sensible woman, entirely approves of the programme I have drawn up for our connubial existence. (_taking paper out of his pocket_) Here it is--I haven't consulted her about it, but she entirely approves of it, nevertheless. In the morning she'll attend to her household duties, while I go out fishing--I'm very fond of fishing! After dinner she'll do a little gardening, water the plants, pull up the weeds, kill the caterpillars, while I smoke my cigar, and--look on. In the evening she'll take her work, darn the stockings, sew on buttons, and so on, while I take a nap in my arm chair. Then we wind up with a lively game at dominoes, or "double dummy," have a light supper--pork chops, or a basin of gruel, and--retire! (_throwing paper on the table_) MRS. L. (_smiling_) Very charming, indeed! but pray be cautious! if you plunge poor dear Caroline too suddenly into such a vortex of gaiety and dissipation, I'm afraid it will be too much for her! (_satirically_) WOOD. (_aside_) What Larkings could possibly see in this woman, I can't imagine! MRS. L. One word more! now, Mr. Woodcock! look at me, Mr. Woodcock! When Mrs. Colonel Carver consented to your marriage with her daughter, was she acquainted with your previous career, Mr. Woodcock? your long catalogue of follies and extravagancies, Mr. Woodcock? WOOD. (_alarmed and anxiously_) Hush! MRS. L. Your notorious reputation for gallantry, Mr. Woodcock? WOOD. Hush--hush! don't speak so loud! (_looking round, then in a low tone to MRS. LARKINGS_) I'll tell you how it happened! You see, we were two Woodcocks--in fact, a brace of Woodcocks, Benjamin and Marmaduke. I'm Marmaduke, from which you may infer with a tolerable degree of accuracy that my brother was Benjamin! Well, Benjamin was always one of the quiet going sort, in short, a serious young man; in fact, he was known as the "tame Woodcock," because he was what is called decidedly "slow;" now I was called the "Wild Woodcock," because---- MRS. L. You were decidedly "fast!" WOOD. Yes! Well, when Mrs. Colonel Carver made the usual enquiries as to respectability, moral character, and all that sort of thing--she somehow or other stumbled on the wrong Woodcock--the tame one instead of the wild one--and---- MRS. L. And you took advantage of her mistake? Fie, fie, Mr. Woodcock! I couldn't have believed it of you.