WOOD. (_aside_) This is a very singular coincidence; because, I'll take my oath, _I_ never saw Carver's programme! (_he has gradually approached the table, and, watching his opportunity, suddenly snatches the paper off it and crams it into his pocket_) MRS. C. What's the matter? WOOD. Nothing! MRS. C. But _that_ wasn't all; he actually expressed his intention of laying aside his splendid regimentals--those regimentals that I loved so much, and wearing nothing but those odious abominations called morning gowns for the remainder of his existence. (_here WOODCOCK, watching his opportunity, opens table drawer, and thrusts in the parcel containing the morning gowns, then slams the drawer_) MRS. C. What is the matter? WOOD. Nothing. MRS. C. (_going to table, and standing on the side opposite to WOODCOCK, who is eyeing the remaining two parcels with anxiety_) But _that_ wasn't all! (_banging her hand on one of the parcels to WOODCOCK'S great alarm_) Hanging up his noble helmet in the hall, and giving his military boots to his servant, he inserted his head into one of those atrocities called smoking caps, and his feet into a pair of embroidered slippers. (_during the above, she has kept on banging the paper parcels_) Yes; embroidered, no doubt, by some unhappy creature he had professed to love as he did me. (_walking away in an excited manner--WOODCOCK immediately opens table drawer, and thrusts in one of the parcels, there not being room for the other, WOODCOCK hastily thrusts it up under his waistcoat in front_) MRS. C. What is the matter? WOOD. Nothing! MRS. C. Such, Marmy, was my married life for twenty years. Anxious, therefore, that Caroline should escape my wretched fate, I resolved to find her a husband who, like herself, had never enjoyed what is called "Life." WOOD. And you pitched upon me! MRS. C. I did; every enquiry I made about you convinced me you were the very man I was looking for. "He is no second Carver," said I, "he is not satiated with the pleasures, the gaieties, the amusements of the world," said I, "he has never even tasted them," said I, "and therefore," said I, "he'll be the more ready to plunge headlong into the dazzling and intoxicating scene before him," said I. WOOD. Did you? MRS. C. Yes! "Caroline will plunge in with him," said I, "and I--I shall plunge in after both of them," said I. WOOD. You? MRS. C. Of course! (_with increasing animation_) Haven't I to make up the twenty years I lost with Carver? yes, and what's more, I mean to make them up! Yes, Marmy! balls, concerts, operas, assemblies, masquerades, regattas, races!--wherever you are, there will I be! Wherever you go, there will I go. Oh, how I long to begin! how I pant to mingle in "the gay, the gay, the festive scenes--the halls, the halls of dazzling light," and sport the light fantastic toe in the merry, joyous dance! (_dancing a few steps_)