You no longer count (Tu n'es plus rien!) — John Shaqi
You no longer count (Tu n'es plus rien!)Boylesve, René
General
You no longer count (Tu n'es plus rien!)
Boylesve, René
World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
"Is Clotilde selfish?" she asked herself, as she turned from the Square
of the United States. "And yet how she asked about my Jean! Clotilde is
like every one else; she is interested in just one thing, has a passion
for it. She has kept as by a miracle the one thing that she had before
the war, and that is love. Everything that represents love captivates
her; one feels that she gives herself up to it. The others yield to a
different passion which, by the conditions of our time, takes on a more
sympathetic form. Mme. de Blauve with sacred fury throws all her family
into the jaws of Moloch; Mme. de Calouas, in Surville, has a passion
only for the wounded, exclusively for wounded soldiers; I have seen her
utterly insensible to an accident to a civilian; most of those women in
the hospital had a passion for their duties there, thought themselves
degraded when they had not the number of beds that satisfied their
pride, lamented as if for a public misfortune when, by chance, fewer
wounded soldiers came. There are even people whose passion it is to have
no passions--and they are the most to be dreaded. Why should Clotilde
deprive herself of her bouquet of carnations, her pot of hyacinths, her
perfumed cigarettes, while they serve to create around her the illusion
by which she lives, and of which, when the occasion comes, she gives her
weary friends the benefit for a whole hour? Yet, could I do like her?
No; decidedly not. Did not I, then, love love as she does? I do not
know, I loved Jean. Then I am less simple than she; everything affects
me. And everything is shaken. I am not flattering myself when I
recognize that I am alive to more than one thing. I wanted to be wholly
devoted to one--to my sorrow. I believe that I am alive only to my
grief, and yet sometimes I think that in this I am mistaken."
That day she felt an overwhelming lassitude. Clotilde had lapped her in
"soft odors." As she was asking herself how she could finish the day she
bethought her that she had been told that Mme. Leconque was another
Clotilde, that is to say, a fairy capable of drawing one out of the war
mood, though she belonged to a social set that was just now holding it
as a great honor to give to it unstintingly both life and fortune.
"I must not fail of seeing her," said Odette to herself, "and just now I
prefer another Clotilde to a second Mme. de Blauve, who makes me
shudder." She took a taxi to the end of the Avenue du Bois.
Mme. Leconque was at home and alone. Muffled up in an ermine coverlet,
in a room brightened by a wood-fire large enough to warm an
assembly-room in the city hall, and surrounded by objects of art,
ancient trinkets, Watteaux, Fragonards, she lay on a couch near a
majestic bed, high and royal, covered with Venetian point, determinedly
knitting, amid yawns, little stockings of coarse wool, for refugee
children.
"You, at least, have had enough of this butchery," she said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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