half-extinct sensations, as one might run over the jarred and
half-silent keys of an old piano in the dark. This surprised him at
first in his loneliness--then, when he had realized what it was, hurt
him a little, rousing old wrath and bitterness, so that he would
sometimes lay down his pen or close his book and all the past would come
before him--the past, in which John his son had disappointed, mocked,
insulted, and baffled his father. He would not allow himself to realize
the presence of these children in the house, but he could not avoid
thinking of the individual who stood between him and them, who was so
real while they were so visionary. Always John! He had tried to live
for years without thought of him and had been tranquil; it was grievous
to be compelled thus to think of him again. This all happened, however,
in the seclusion of his own mind, in the quiet of his library, and no
one knew anything of it; not his daughter, who thought she knew his
looks by heart; nor his servant, who had spelled him out by many guesses
in the dark--as servants generally do--and imagined that he had his
master at his fingers’ ends. But during all this time while these
touches were playing upon him, bringing out ghosts of old sensations,
muffled sounds and tones forgotten, Mr. Musgrave publicly ignored the
fact that there were any children in the house, and contrived not to see
them, nor to hear them, with a force of self-government and resolution
which, in a nobler cause, would have been beyond all praise.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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