I have dwelt too long on the conflicts of youth. For it has also its
still places, where it becomes introspective and thinks about its
destiny and the meaning of its life. In our artificial civilization
many young people at twenty-five are still on the threshold of
activity. As one looks back, then, over eight or nine years, one sees
a panorama of seemingly formidable length. So many crises, so many
startling surprises, so many vivid joys and harrowing humiliations and
disappointments, that one feels startlingly old; one wonders if one
will ever feel so old again. And in a sense, youth at twenty-five is
older than it will ever be again. For if time is simply a succession
of incidents in our memory, we seem to have an eternity behind us.
Middle-aged people feel no such appalling stretch of time behind them.
The years fade out one by one; often the pressure of life leaves
nothing of reality or value but the present moment. Some of youth’s
elders seem to enjoy almost a new babyhood, while youth has constantly
with it in all its vividness and multifariousness that specious wealth
of abrupt changes, climaxes and disillusions that have crowded the
short space of its life.
We often envy the sunny noon of the thirties and forties. These elders
of ours change so little that they seem to enjoy an endless summer
of immortality. They are so placid, so robust, so solidly placed in
life, seemingly so much further from dissolution than we. Youth seems
curiously fragile. Perhaps it is because all beauty has something
of the precarious and fleeting about it. A beautiful girl seems too
delicate and fine to weather a long life; she must be burning away
too fast. This wistfulness and haunting pathos of life is very real
to youth. It feels the rush of time past it. Only youth can sing of
the passing glory of life, and then only in its full tide. The older
people’s lament for the vanished days of youth may be orthodox, but it
rings hollow. For our greatest fears are those of presentiment, and
youth is haunted not only by the feeling of past change, but by the
presentiment of future change.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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