12th.--Took Lucy back to school: bad cold on my chest. Took her to Mrs. Rossetti’s, and met Millais, who was waiting for Collins to cock-horsing[114] on hire. Told me he had terribly scamped his picture of _The Fireman_, but thought he _must_ send in this year. Very amiably disposed, and humble in manner, so I promised to call on him. So we missed our train. Took her to the Pantheon, and there stopped so long, looking at Anthony’s pictures put there by the old scoundrel Thomas the Serjeant,[115] that we miss our train again. Anthony’s things there, every one of them well nigh, look glorious colour; like Constable, only better by far. Oh the perverseness of men in general and picture-buyers especially!--A story of Johnny Millais:--William Rossetti, he, and Collins, dined at Campbell’s[116] a short time since. Millais summoned the waiters, and with utmost noise ordered everything that was good in the place. Kept up such a noise that very soon everything was brought, and Millais ate as he can. A modest man in the next box had first asked for a chop, and continued asking; till Millais, being well stuffed and ready to leave, suddenly takes to pitying the ill-used one. “Sir,” says he, “these waiters behave very badly to you; were I in your place, I would bully them frightfully. Why, sir, we’ve actually got our dinner and eaten, while you’ve been waiting for your chop. Were I you, sir, when it came I would send it back--leave it on their hands.” The poor man got incensed, and did so; which having witnessed, out stalked Millais _triumphans_. William suggested that the poor man would have to go elsewhere, and begin waiting again for his chop.... 16th.--Out to pay rent. About £3 left in pocket. Tax-man called (I think for the fourth time) for the poor-rate; sent him about his business. Worked at the sketch of _Last of England_. To-day I am thirty-four, a dull thing to consider. How little done, O Lord, and how much gone through! How many changes, how many failures! Is it fate, is it fault? Will it end, or must it end me? A bad cold on my chest with pain therein these three days. 17th.--Up at half-past nine--to work at the sketch as before from eleven till six; unsatisfactory. To-night accounts, also unsatisfactory. I find two things quite impossible: the one, to live under £300 a year; and the other, to do a reasonable amount of work. Try as I will, it cannot be.... 20th.--Woke up very unhappy--shower-bath. Frames came home last night, and wrong. I tried the picture in its one, and then the head of Emma struck me as very bad, and made me miserable all night. This morning I scraped at it with my penknife, and so widened the cheeks some, and improved it. The colour is good, but the chin and jowls look heavy.... 21st.--... Trifled away my time. I find, as usual, I have got lazy now the screw (R.A.) is off. Worked after dinner at the rope and netting.... 23rd.--... In the evening did a little to the design of _Work_, altered the pot-boy.