The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
"No thoroughfare," did nature cry,
So Ross and Parry homewards flew:
London Improvement doth defy
Each _cul de sac_, and cuts it through.
At parlour, factory, or shop,
At public entrance, private door,
Or window e'en, it does not stop,
But rudely pushes more and more.
Improvement, too, performs a task,
Worthy a scientific hand;
Turns sand into the sugar cask,
Thus into sugar turning sand.
OPENING OF THE ROYAL EXCHANGE.
Days have been often big with fate,
But ne'er was day so big of yore,
As the October twenty-eight,
In eighteen hundred forty-four.
That day will memorable be,
When taken in by history's range;
For on it thousands went to see
Victoria open the Exchange.
Serene was the morning,
And plenty of gravel
Was spread on the road
Which the Queen had to travel.
Busy policemen far and wide
Were spread upon the pavement's side;
Who oft the truncheon bravely drew
'Gainst those who would the line break through.
At length her Majesty appears,
Amid enthusiastic cheers;
There's not a gossamer or beaver
But what is waving to receive her.
Her dress was satin rich and rare,
A silver tissue, neat but splendid,—
The sleeves were short; and from the hair
Two matchless brilliants were suspended.
A riband o'er her shoulder hung,
Of costly jewels was the border;
To which with graceful ease was slung
The star that marks the Garter's Order.
Prince Albert, at her side, was dressed
In uniform without a crease,
While carelessly across his breast
Was thrown the Order of the Fleece
Chamberlain, Master of the Horse,
Were present, as a matter of course.
Assist me, Muses, while I throw
The whole procession into verse:
For metre hath an easy flow,
And poetry is always terse.
Lifeguards sent on before to clear the ways,
First carriage drawn by half a dozen bays,
Containing Usher of the Sword of State,
The Exon of the Yeomen of the Guard,
Usher of Privy Chamber, Page to wait,
Each thought himself, no doubt, a wondrous "card."
Carriage the second, drawn by bays as well,
With Lord and Groom in Waiting on the Prince,
And Silver Stick,—such an alarming swell,
He's spoken scarce to anybody since.
Third carriage, drawn by bays again,
Which did a splendid load contain:
The Treasurer of the Household he was one;
Was it supposed any might dare to dun?