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The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi

The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities

David Hume · en

'Tis prudent of her Majesty, though funny,
        Always to go about well stocked with money.
        Fourth carriage—bays again—had for its freight
        Four of the minor officers of State.
        In carriage five—drawn by bays also, six,
        There sits at ease the costliest of sticks—
        Gold Stick, of course, is meant; and Norfolk's earl
        Sits opposite a very pretty girl,—
        A Maid of Honour; while on t' other side
        A Woman of the Bedchamber doth ride.
        Carriage the sixth is drawn along
        By six black horses large and strong;
        That carriage ample seats affords
        Unto two ladies and two lords.
        Now follow Yeomen of the Guard,
            Now Footmen, four and four;
        Now the state coach, with Grooms right hard
            Against the wheels and door—
        In fact, there is, without a joke,
        A footman placed at every spoke.
        Within the coach a form is seen;
        It is Her Majesty the Queen!
        Who seems extremely puzzled how
        To keep upon the constant bow.
        Prince Albert vainly at her side
        Attempts the labour to divide;
        He shows that he is nothing loth
        To make obeisances for both.
        But no! the people wish the two
        To join in a grand bow _de deux_.
        And thus Her Majesty the Queen,
        Like to a Chinese mandarin,
        Is forced to keep her head in action
            Throughout the entire city's range:
        Great must have been her satisfaction
            To find some prospect of a 'Change!'

[Illustration:

  LADY DAY—Old & New Style.
]


                            ODE TO FASHION.

            Oh, Fashion! it were vain, indeed,
                To try your wondrous flights to follow;
            Onward at such a pace you speed,
                Beating the _Belle Assemblée_ hollow.

            One moment hovering on our coats,
                To change the cutting of the skirts;
            Then with rude grasp you seize our throats,
                Altering the collars of our shirts.

            Now trimming up with ribands gay,
                And flowers as well, a lady's bonnet;
            Then with rude hand tearing away
                Each bit of finery upon it.

            Shrouding one day the arm from sight,
                In sleeve so large that six might share it,
            And making it next month so tight
                'Tis scarcely possible to bear it.

            Upon a lady's dress, again,
                With arbitrary hand it pounces;
            Making it one day meanly plain,
                Then idly loading it with flounces.

            But one of Fashion's worst attacks,
                By which mankind she most ill-uses,
            Has been in dooming us to sacks,
                From Taglionis down to blouses.