The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities — David Hume — John Shaqi
The Comic Almanack, Volume 2: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
David Hume · en
USEFUL REMARKS.
A Cure for Toothache:—Extraction is out-and-out the best remedy for this
malady.
The Moon—we mean Mr. Sheriff Moon—will be in his second quarter all the
month. For the hours of rising, apply in Thread-needle Street.
GENERAL CHARACTER OF THE WEATHER.
The character of the weather is rather violent at this time of the year;
for it generally knocks down the thermometer, and is guilty of other
very cool proceedings.
FEBRUARY. [1844.
THE END OF PHEASANT SHOOTING.
THE SONG OF THE GAME.
Unto the feathered tribe how pleasant
No more to be in dread of cartridge;
Free is the gay and happy pheasant,
And free as air the simple partridge.
No more the sportsman's gun we hear,
The laws' protection we may claim;
Defying all who venture near,
'Tis now our turn for making game.
We laugh at Lords and Commons too,
For now not one of them is able,
Whate'er with others they may do,
To lay _our_ bills upon the table.
Now occupied in making laws,
They show their legislative powers
In mutilating many a clause;
But they can touch no claws of ours.
The Cockneys now, with sportsman's pride,
In shooting gaiters case their legs;
Their Mantons they may lay aside,
While we aside will lay our Eggs.
PATENTS FOR INVENTIONS.
Patents will, it is expected, be granted—
To SIR ROBERT PEEL; for a new and most efficacious manner of sweeping by
machinery, as exemplified in his very sweeping machinery of the Income
Tax.
To LADY SALE; for carrying Britannia metal to a high degree of
perfection.
To DRS. NEWMAN and PUSEY; for an entirely new method of introducing heat
into churches.
To LORD BROUGHAM; for the application of rotatory motion, with a view to
obtaining power.
To the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER; for an extension of the use of the
screw, so as to augment its pressure.
To the POOR LAW COMMISSIONERS; for a new method of diminishing pauperism
by reducing the number of paupers; and also for an improved process of
grinding.
To DANIEL O'CONNELL; for a most effectual method of draining Ireland.
REPORT ON
THE TRAINING OF PAUPER CHILDREN.