When the eager young soul starts out unaided to solve the riddle of
life, it meets with many paradoxes that admit of no solution, and many
sordid simplicities that only unfamiliarity made it regard as enigmas.
Despair in the one instance and disgust in the other not unfrequently
drive it into a hopeless pessimism, in which inaction seems to be the
least pain. Or else the soul bruises itself in vain against the mocking
bars, shrinks in loathing from the disveiled corruption, and flies back
to the unavailing aids that it spurned aforetime. It is cast in the
valley of the shadow of death which only the stout-hearted can pass
through unshaken.
The multitude stands by the formulas that profess to solve the eternal
problem. It follows them blindly, like the schoolboy who cares not
whether they are right or wrong, or whether the answer is conclusive. So
long as there is an answer of some sort its mind is easy. But there are
earnester inquirers whom these formulas do not satisfy--who see that
they are followed for their own sake, that they never can lead to any
conclusions. The soul, now of a people, now of an individual, rebels;
it rejects the formulas; it starts from the first principles of being,
asserting fiercely its individuality, its inalienable right to seek
after truth according to its own methods. These are prejudiced. All
great action must be. Because a system is rotten and incomplete the
perfervid spirit judges that every factor must be false. It misses the
fact that every great human system contains elemental truths of vital
importance, without which it must fall in its struggle. And at last,
when the forces of endeavour are well nigh spent, it finds the key
of the great enigma inwrapped in a greater one still, in the eternal
tragedy of things.
It was with this burning protest against formulas that Clytie entered
into the world. They had been presented to her in their smug complacency
as solving all mysteries human and divine. She had seen them worshipped
as fetiches, and her soul revolted against the futile idolatry. She was
too young to examine them carefully, to see that the sacrosanctity of
some was miserably justified by human experience. She spurned them all,
and she plunged into the waters of Life, a rudderless bark in search of
the unknown.
She spent two years in study at the Slade School in University College,
living under the protection of her aunt, who had a house in Russell
Square. The training was severe and at times irksome. But she learned
strict academical rules of drawing, in spite of her repugnance to the
stern coldness of the antique. After her term of hard training was
over she went for a year into a painter's studio and learned colour and
painting from the live model.