On Sunday she received a series of sensations. She believed such
elemental doctrines as she had received at her mother’s knee: in a
beautiful heaven and a fearful hell, in Christ and the angels--she was
not quite certain about the Virgin Mary--in the Lord’s Prayer, which she
said every night at her bedside, and in the goodness of going to church.
Her religion might have been that of a bird of the air for all the
shackles it laid upon her soul. But the outer forms of worship impressed
her strongly--church music, solemn silences, vestments, stained windows,
even words. She felt very solemn when she called her innocent self a
“miserable sinner” in the Litany, and the word “Sabbaoth,” in the “Te
Deum,” always seemed fraught with mystic meaning. The symbolic hushed
her into awe. Even the surplices of the choir-boys set them apart
for the moment, in her mind, from the baser sort of urchins. And, _a
fortiori_, the clergyman, in surplice and stole, had always appealed to
her childish imagination as a being that moved in an especial odour of
sanctity. It is fair to add that Yvonne’s church-going had never been
as regular as might have been desired, so these reverential feelings
had not been staled by custom. However, when the Canon appeared at the
reading-desk, and his fine voice rang through the Abbey, Yvonne felt a
sudden pang of alarm. The night before he had been so tender and playful
that he had almost seemed to be upon her level. And now, he was far, far
away. The distance between her, poor, insignificant little Yvonne, and
him performing his sacred office, appeared immeasurably vast. And when
he mounted the pulpit, her awe grew greater. She could not realise that
he was her affianced husband.
He preached on the text from the story of Nicodemus, “Except a man be
born again.” The words caught her fancy as being apposite to her
own case, and, disregarding the thread of the Canon’s discourse, she
preached a little sermon to herself. She was going to be born again.
Yvonne the singer would die, and a new, regenerate Yvonne, the lady of
the Rectory, Mrs. Everard Chisely, would appear in her stead. She caught
a phrase in which the Canon touched upon the spiritual pain attending on
the death of the old Adam. She wondered whether she would be called upon
to suffer the fire of purification. It was like the Phoenix. At this
point she pulled herself up short. To mix up the Phoenix and Nicodemus
might be profane. So she bestowed her best attention on the remainder of
the sermon.