"And what happens to officers who are afraid?"
"If it's known, they get broke," said I.
Boyce swallowed his tea at a gulp, set down the cup, and strode to the
window. There was a short pause. Presently he turned.
"Physical fear is a very curious thing," he said in a voice
unnecessarily loud. "I've seen it take hold of men of proved courage
and paralyse them. It's just like an epileptic fit--beyond a man's
control. I've known a fellow--the most reckless, hare-brained daredevil
you can imagine--to stand petrified with fear on the bank of a river,
and let a wounded comrade drown before his eyes. And he was a good
swimmer too."
"What happened to him?" I asked.
He met my gaze for a moment, looked away, and then met it again--it
seemed defiantly.
"What happened to him? Well--" there was the tiniest possible pause--a
pause that only an uneasy, suspicious repository of the abominable
story of Vilboek's Farm could have noticed--"Well, as he stood there he
got plugged--and that was the end of him. But what I--"
"Was he an officer, dear?"
"No, no, mother, a sergeant," he answered abruptly, and in the same
breath continued. "What I was going to say is this. No one as far as I
know has ever bothered to work out the psychology of fear. Especially
the sudden thing that hits a man's heart and makes him stand
stock-still like a living corpse--unable to move a muscle--all his
willpower out of gear--just as a motor is out of gear. I've seen a lot
of it. Those men oughtn't to be called cowards. It's as much a fit,
say, as epilepsy. Allowances ought to made for them."
It was a warm day, the windows were closed, my valetudinarian hostess
having a horror of draughts, and a cheery fire was blazing up the
chimney. Boyce took out a handkerchief and mopped his forehead.
"Dear old mother," said he, "you keep this room like an oven."
"It is you who have got so excited talking, dear," said Mrs. Boyce.
"I'm sure it can't be good for your heart. It is just the same with me.
I remember I had to speak quite severely to Mary a week--no, to-day's
Tuesday--ten days ago, and I had dreadful palpitations afterwards and
broke out into a profuse perspiration and had to send for Doctor Miles."
"Now, that's funny," said I. "When I'm excited about anything I grow
quite cold."