A Maid and a Million Men The Candid Confessions of Leona Canwick + Censored Indiscreetly by JAMES G. DUNTON GROSSET & DUNLAP Publishers New York ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A MAID AND A MILLION MEN COPYRIGHT, 1928, BY J. H. SEARS & CO., INCORPORATED Second Printing, November, 1928 Third Printing, December, 1928 Fourth Printing, February, 1929 Fifth Printing, June, 1929 Sixth Printing, September, 1929 United States of America ------------------------------------------------------------------------ To THE BULL OF THE BOULEVARDS Because “There weren’t enough medals to go ’round!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------ CONTENTS 1 THE MAIDEN’S PRAYER 2 CORRESPONDENCE FROM HEAVEN 3 APPLE-SAUCE FOR THE GANDER 4 A MASK OF KHAKI 5 A MAIDEN SLEEPS WITH AN ARMY 6 A JOY HOLE 7 A DOG’S LIFE 8 NO PLACE FOR A LADY 9 A LOUSY LADY 10 THE BATTLE OF LE CHIEN ROUGE 11 FAIR ENOUGH IN LOVE AND WAR 12 MADEMOISELLE FROM GAY PAREE 13 BELOW THE BELT 14 IT TAKES A WOMAN TO CATCH A WOMAN 15 THE TWAIN MEET 16 BEAUCOUP ZIGZAG 17 THE DEATH SHIPS 18 THE BEST MAN WINS 19 THE COST OF CURIOSITY 20 THE TAIL OF THE TALE ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A MAID AND A MILLION MEN CHAPTER 1 THE MAIDEN’S PRAYER There was a party up in Heaven the night that I was born and my mother’s Guardian Angel was playing one of those now-you-see-it-and-now-you-don’t shell games with the Court Jester while the Head-Man so far forgot himself, under the influence of the chorus of angelic yessers, as to do sleight-of-hand tricks with the Vital Statistics and the Orders of the Day. The whole court laughed to see such sport and even my mother’s Guardian Angel must have thought it was a good joke on my father.