A Maid and a Million Men: the candid confessions of Leona Canwick, censored indiscreetly by James G. Dunton
John Stuart Mill · en
I proceeded to the house and entered as quietly as possible, found my
blouse and extracted my cigarettes, then continued upstairs to get the
Captain’s. I had no idea which room he had used and while I stood
silently debating with myself at the top of the stairs, I became
conscious of a very rapid and strange dialogue going on somewhere near
at hand. My ears caught words that were unmistakably German and I
distinguished one of the voices by its silvery tinkle. I tried to place
the sounds, but could not and, fearing to make a noise if I tried to get
nearer, I satisfied myself by attempting to catch the content of their
conversation. I caught such words as “papers,” “numbers,” “army corps,”
“aviation” and “money,” but the rest was an indistinguishable blur of
sounds. Then I heard what sounded like someone moving and I ducked
quickly into the first door I came to.
I held my breath and listened again. The voices were even plainer here
and I guessed that they must be in the very next room to the one I was
in. I heard the Madame tell her companion that “the money will be safe
in the apartment” and then something about “a chaplain on Tuesday.”
Their voices became inaudible then. A motor started up somewhere outside
and I decided that the best thing I could do was take advantage of the
noise to make my exit. I got downstairs and out of the house without
anyone seeing me, and when I appeared again at Marie’s side, with a
cigarette hanging from the corner of my mouth, the Captain piped up to
ask if I had brought his smokes.
“How the devil did I know where your clothes were!” I retorted. “You’ll
have to get along with one of my cheap fags.”
He came up to get one and, although he continued the joke of bawling me
out, I knew that he understood the slight wink that I gave him. He lit
his cigarette from mine and observed to Marie, “Don’t ever have anything
to do with these enlisted men, Mam’selle.... If this fellow didn’t have
a perfectly marvelous sister I wouldn’t even smoke one of his
cigarettes.” With which he returned to his place near the diving board
to continue his engaging chatter with the others, and a moment later the
Madame reappeared, with cigarettes, matches, and a huge cocktail shaker,
the top of which contained four small cups which were promptly
appropriated. “I thought something like this would help the gayety of
nations,” she remarked cheerily, as the Captain took the shaker and
began a Pipes-of-Pan dance with it.
When he came back to her, he observed lightly, “The perfect hostess
always does the right thing at the right moment!... If this continues, I
shall fall under the spell and propose to you myself!”
“Ou la la!” cried the Madame. “After all these years of yearning, I am
to be rewarded?” She laughed with him as she filled his cup.
“May I never feel worse!” offered the Captain, raising the cup to his
lips.
“Which might mean either of two very different things,” laughed his
companion. “Don’t commit yourself, even in jest.”