A Maid and a Million Men: the candid confessions of Leona Canwick, censored indiscreetly by James G. Dunton — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
A Maid and a Million Men: the candid confessions of Leona Canwick, censored indiscreetly by James G. Dunton
John Stuart Mill · en
And it was—so terrible that in the very midst of it poor Esky exploded
in a howl that made everyone jump and almost disrupted the performance;
and someone laughed rather equinely, which was still worse from my point
of view. But we finally got through with it and I rushed into the house
to dress and later to accept the usual bread-and-butter compliments from
the assembled guests. There was nothing to do but dance the evening away
and I proceeded to do this with whoever came my way, which was chiefly
Jay-Jay, until Aunt Elinor sneaked up behind me and said she had a young
man in tow who wanted to apologize to me. From that point on, life
became steadily more interesting and Jay-Jay didn’t get all the dances,
for the young man was the handsomest thing I had ever seen and his broad
grin was just broad enough and yet refined enough to be infectious. My
whole body underwent a quiver of excitement as soon as my eyes rested
upon him. I smiled inside as well as out and was unconscious of
everything except a mumbling from my aunt to the effect that “Captain
Winstead has had me pursuing you for ages....”
He didn’t say anything and I couldn’t, so we just danced away and I felt
as if I belonged nowhere else in the world so surely as there in his
arms. That dance was unforgettable, a marvelous experience which thrills
me even to this day. I was actually serenely blissfully ignorant of time
and surroundings. I know such a statement sounds foolish and affected,
but I certainly should know how I felt. Heaven knows, I never have felt
like that more than once, so I surely should remember it.
We even danced two numbers in silence before the spell was broken by his
making a belated apology for laughing so rudely during my dance. And he
ended it by saying, “Of course, it was utterly damn foolish on my part!”
The way he said “damn” was to other men’s damns as a soothing melody is
to a baby squawker’s music. From that point on, we were acquainted; it
was just as if we had known each other for ages; he said that my dancing
was just like a dream, that ... oh, I couldn’t begin to reproduce that
evening in print: he was just wonderful and he told me the most
enchanting things ... we went into the garden and I learned for the
first time how short a time it requires to become intimately acquainted
with a man, if you like him.... I never was the kind to believe in this
love-at-first-sight stuff, but I know that I felt at once that Captain
Clark Winstead meant all the world to me—and this in spite of the fact
that I hadn’t completely lost my head; I had a sneaking suspicion that
he might not mean all the wonderful things he said to me.... Yet even
with such suspicions, I simply reveled in his presence. Say what you
will about being made love to—it certainly is an indescribably
delicious experience if you have the right man, and I did.