A Maid and a Million Men: the candid confessions of Leona Canwick, censored indiscreetly by James G. Dunton — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
A Maid and a Million Men: the candid confessions of Leona Canwick, censored indiscreetly by James G. Dunton
John Stuart Mill · en
He was dumfounded, and acted as if he wouldn’t believe me, so I plopped
into the chair and explained with my hands just how I wanted it cut, so
it would resemble Leon’s as much as possible. Leon, being poetic, never
had his hair cut awfully short anyway, so it really didn’t seem so
strange.
From there we went to a hotel, Leon driving while I tried to make my hat
and the collar of my coat combine to offset the odd effect of the
haircut. Just as we were getting out of the car, another hitch presented
itself to my mind, and I said to Leon, “We can’t change clothes in
there!”
“Why not?” he demanded, his voice sounding as if I had scared the life
out of him.
“Now, wouldn’t it look funny to anyone who noticed us going in—a man
and a girl—and then saw two men come out? If there happened to be
anyone about who recognizes you, he’d smell a mouse immediately.”
I can see now that my fears were practically groundless, but at the time
it seemed as if someone would appear at any moment to divine our
purpose, and Leon finally agreed that perhaps we’d better make our quick
change somewhere else. “But where?”
I had to think hard. We couldn’t go to a private house, for then whoever
saw us would naturally wonder how a man and woman could change to two
men all at once, and particularly a soldier and a girl to begin with. We
couldn’t go anywhere where there would be people. That was apparent at
once, so I finally suggested, “Let’s ride out into the country and find
a nice secluded forest.”
We did this, but didn’t find a woods that could be used for a dressing
room until we had driven more than fifteen miles from the camp. Finally
we spied one, a sort of brush-covered little hill, and Leon went in
first to change into his civies. When he returned, I took his clothes
and came back a few minutes later with my dress, undies, shoes, hat and
coat, in the suit case which I had used to bring down his clothes. We
looked each other over and decided that everything checked. I complained
about the army underwear—I must say that it isn’t any too comfortable
on a girl—but that was a small matter, in view of the fun it was to be.
Then back to camp and in to the Colonel’s office, so that Leon could
show me where all the different “forms” and papers are kept, and what
each was for. That took about half an hour, and just as we were coming
out of the building Leon gave a start of fear and whispered, “Here comes
the Sergeant Major!”
I began to shiver all over. I hadn’t the least idea what I was supposed
to do to a Sergeant Major. I started to salute but for once Leon thought
faster than I; when he jammed his elbow into my ribs, I managed a
foolish grin.
But the Sergeant Major was staring at us and before we had passed him,
he said, in a very friendly tone of voice, “Sorry as hell about the
pass, Canwick. I know you wanted it pretty badly.”