A Maid and a Million Men: the candid confessions of Leona Canwick, censored indiscreetly by James G. Dunton
John Stuart Mill · en
I was scared stiff lest my tormentor say something so loud that Ben
would hear it, but while I was entertaining this worry I felt myself
seized in Jay-Jay’s arms and I knew at once that the fight was on. I
scratched and bit and kicked and did everything possible to prevent him
from putting his hands where he wanted to put them: at the moment it
seemed to me that the whole world depended upon my keeping him from
satisfying himself that his suspicions were correct. He was terribly mad
and some of his curses weren’t very nice, but I was mad, too, and hated
him from the bottom of my heart. I was so mad I could have burst into
tears—but before that could happen, my assailant was suddenly removed
from my vicinity and the next thing I heard was a dull thud as he hit
the sidewalk some six or eight feet distant. Ben stood glowering beside
me and Esky was dancing around as if he were having the time of his
life.
Jay-Jay picked himself up and started to come back, but Ben told him to
be on his way and “shut up.”
Jay-Jay stopped, brushed himself off, and called Ben a vile name,
adding, “You know what happens to men who assault an officer!”
“Holy Christ!” exclaimed Ben to me, but to Jay-Jay he kept up the bold
front, saying, “I just showed ya what happens to officers who assault
men, too. Guess there ain’t much danger of a ladybird like you makin’
any complaint fer gettin’ what you deserve. Now, beat it!” And he
stepped out as if he would crown him again.
Jay-Jay moved away then, but not before he sent an ominous speech to me.
He said: “Sergeant Canwick will pay a good price for this—and that’s a
promise!”
If Ben hadn’t been there I’d have told him that there’s only one thing I
could pay and I’d be damned in hell before I’d ever pay it to him!
But Ben was there, saying, “Christ’s sake, Leony, didn’t I tell ya not
to have anythin’ to do with them guys! I knew he was a lily the minute I
laid eyes on him.”
I started to tell him that his ideas were all wrong this time, but then
I realized that it didn’t make any difference what he thought of
Jay-Jay: and I could laugh at the idea anyway!
What worried me was what Jay-Jay would do: he could tell on me, if he
was sure I was Leona—but he couldn’t be sure, for apparently he didn’t
talk to Leon in Le Mans, and he didn’t succeed in finding out anything
to-night. I had a hunch, based upon my knowledge of his make-up, that
Jay-Jay would not say anything to anyone. He’d rather try again. He was
mad now and he knew that I knew what to expect if he did get wise to the
secret. No—Jay-Jay wouldn’t squeal. What I had to worry about now was
keeping out of his way—if he found out the truth and I still refused to
play with him: then, and not until then, would he squeal.... I’d have
let him squeal before I’d give in to him. I always knew he was like
that: nothing but a beast.