Backwater : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 2 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Backwater : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 2
John Stuart Mill · en
dressing-table by the window as if she were treading on air, she stood
holding its edge in the darkness. Two forgotten incidents flowed past
her in quick succession; one of waking up on her seventh birthday in the
seaside villa alone in a small dark room and suddenly saying to herself
that one day her father and mother would die and she would still be
there, and after a curious moment when the darkness seemed to move
against her, feeling very old and crying bitterly, and another of
standing in the bow of the dining-room window at Barnes looking at the
raindrops falling from the leaves through the sunshine and saying to
Eve, who came into the room as she watched, “D’you know, Eve, I feel as
if I’d suddenly wakened up out of a dream.” The bedroom was no longer
dark. She could see the outlines of everything in the light coming from
the street lamps through the half-closed Venetian blinds. Beadie sighed
and stirred. Miriam began impatiently preparing for bed without lighting
the gas. “What’s the use of feeling like that if it doesn’t stay? It
doesn’t change anything. Next time I’ll make it stay. It might whisk me
right away. There’s something in me that can’t be touched or altered.
Me. If it comes again. If it’s stronger every time.... Perhaps it goes
on getting stronger till you die.”
CHAPTER IV
1
Wheezing, cook had spread a plaster of dampened ashy cinders upon the
basement schoolroom fire and gone bonily away across the oilcloth in her
heelless boots. As the door closed Miriam’s eye went up from her book to
the little slope of grass showing above the concrete wall of the area.
The grass gleamed along the edge of a bank of mist. In the mist the area
railings stood hard and solid against the edge of empty space. Several
times she glanced at the rich green, feeling that neither ‘emerald,’
‘emerald velvet,’ nor ‘velvety enamel’ quite expressed it. She had not
noticed that there was a mist shutting in and making brilliant the
half-darkness of the room at breakfast-time, only feeling that for some
reason it was a good day. “It’s fog--there’s a sort of fog,” she said,
glowing. The fog made the room with the strange brilliant brown light on
the table, on the horsehair chairs, on the shabby length of brown and
yellow oilcloth running out to the bay of the low window, seem to be
rushing through space, alone. It was quite safe, going on its
journey--towards some great good.