Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth
John Stuart Mill · en
When the tumult of this affair subsided, Mr. Tyrold and his family
prepared to re-establish themselves at Etherington; and Mrs. Tyrold, the
great inducement for the separation being over, was earnest to take home
again the disinherited Camilla. Sir Hugh, whose pleasure in her sight
was how embittered by regret and remorse, had not courage to make the
smallest opposition; yet he spent the day of her departure in groans and
penitence. He thought it right, however, to detain Eugenia, who, as his
decided heiress, was left to be brought up at Cleves.
The loss of the amusing society of his favourite; the disappointment he
had inflicted upon her, and the sweetness with which she had borne it,
preyed incessantly upon his spirits; and he knew not how to employ
himself, which way to direct his thoughts, nor in what manner to beguile
one moment of his time, after the children were gone to rest.
The view of the constant resources which his brother found in
literature, augmented his melancholy at his own imperfections; and the
steady industry with which Mr. Tyrold, in early youth, had attained
them, and which, while devoted to field sports, he had often observed
with wonder and pity, he now looked back to with self-reproach, and
recognised in its effect with a reverence almost awful.
His imagination, neither regulated by wisdom, nor disciplined by
experience, having once taken this turn, he soon fancied that every
earthly misfortune originated in a carelessness of learning, and that
all he wished, and all he wanted, upbraided him with his ignorance. If
disease and pain afflicted him, he lamented the juvenile inattention
that had robbed him of acquirements which might have taught him not to
regard them; if the word scholar was named in his presence, he heaved
the deepest sigh; if an article in a newspaper, with which he was
unacquainted, was discussed, he reviled his early heedlessness of study;
and the mention of a common pamphlet, which was unknown to him, gave him
a sensation of disgrace: even inevitable calamities he attributed to the
negligence of his education, and construed every error, and every evil
of his life, to his youthful disrespect of Greek and Latin.
Such was the state of his mind, when his ordinary maladies had the
serious aggravation of a violent fit of the gout.
In the midst of the acute anguish, and useless repentance, which now
alternately ravaged his happiness, it suddenly occurred to him, that,
perhaps, with proper instruction, he might even yet obtain a sufficient
portion of this enviable knowledge, to enable him to pass his evenings
with some similarity to his brother.