Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Camilla; or, A Picture of Youth
John Stuart Mill · en
Relief from care thus combining with opportunity, Dr. Orkborne was
scarce settled, ere he determined upon the execution of a long,
critical, and difficult work in philology, which he had often had in
contemplation, but never found leisure to undertake. By this means he
had a constant resource for himself; and the baronet, observing that
time never hung heavy upon his hands, conceived a yet higher admiration
of learning, and felt his spirits proportionably re-animated by the fair
prospect of participating in such advantages.
From this dream, however, he was soon awakened; a parcel, by the
direction of Dr. Orkborne, arrived from his bookseller, with materials
for going to work.
Sir Hugh then sent off a message to the parsonage-house, informing his
brother and his family, that they must not be surprised if they did not
see or hear of him for some time, as he had got his hands quite full,
and should be particularly engaged for a week or two to come.
Dr. Orkborne, still but imperfectly conceiving the extent, either of the
plan, or of the simplicity of his new pupil, proposed, as soon as the
packet was opened, that they should read together; but Sir Hugh replied,
that he would do the whole in order, and by no means skip the
rudiments.
The disappointment which followed, may be easily imagined; with neither
quickness to learn, nor memory to retain, he aimed at being initiated in
the elements of a dead language, for which youth only can find time and
application, and even youth but by compulsion. His head soon became
confused, his ideas were all perplexed, his attention was vainly
strained, and his faculties were totally disordered.
Astonished at his own disturbance, which he attributed solely to not
getting yet into the right mode, he laughed off his chagrin, but was
steady in his perseverance; and continued wholly shut up from his family
and friends, with a zeal worthy better success.
Lesson after lesson, however, only aggravated his difficulties, till his
intellects grew so embarrassed he scarce knew if he slept or waked. His
nights became infected by the perturbation of the day; his health
visibly suffered from the restlessness of both, and all his flattering
hopes of new and unknown happiness were ere long exchanged for despair.
He now sent for his brother, and desired to speak with him alone; when,
catching him fast by the hand, and looking piteously in his face, 'Do
you know, my dear brother,' he cried, 'I find myself turning out as
sheer a blockhead as ever, for all I have got so many more years over my
head than when I began all this hard jingle jangle before?'
Mr. Tyrold, with greater concern than surprise, endeavoured to re-assure
and console him, by pointing out a road more attainable for reaping
benefit from the presence of Dr. Orkborne, than the impracticable path
into which he had erroneously entered.