Camille (La Dame aux Camilias) — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Camille (La Dame aux Camilias)
John Stuart Mill · en
“You were right. That woman was an angel. See, read this letter.” And
he handed to me a paper which seemed to have been many times reread.
I opened it, and this is what it contained:
“MY DEAR ARMAND:—I have received your letter. You are still good, and I
thank God for it. Yes, my friend, I am ill, and with one of those
diseases that never relent; but the interest you still take in me makes
my suffering less. I shall not live long enough, I expect, to have the
happiness of pressing the hand which has written the kind letter I have
just received; the words of it would be enough to cure me, if anything
could cure me. I shall not see you, for I am quite near death, and you
are hundreds of leagues away. My poor friend! your Marguerite of old
times is sadly changed. It is better perhaps for you not to see her
again than to see her as she is. You ask if I forgive you; oh, with all
my heart, friend, for the way you hurt me was only a way of proving the
love you had for me. I have been in bed for a month, and I think so
much of your esteem that I write every day the journal of my life, from
the moment we left each other to the moment when I shall be able to
write no longer. If the interest you take in me is real, Armand, when
you come back go and see Julie Duprat. She will give you my journal.
You will find in it the reason and the excuse for what has passed
between us. Julie is very good to me; we often talk of you together.
She was there when your letter came, and we both cried over it.
“If you had not sent me any word, I had told her to give you those
papers when you returned to France. Do not thank me for it. This daily
looking back on the only happy moments of my life does me an immense
amount of good, and if you will find in reading it some excuse for the
past. I, for my part, find a continual solace in it. I should like to
leave you something which would always remind you of me, but everything
here has been seized, and I have nothing of my own.
“Do you understand, my friend? I am dying, and from my bed I can hear a
man walking to and fro in the drawing-room; my creditors have put him
there to see that nothing is taken away, and that nothing remains to me
in case I do not die. I hope they will wait till the end before they
begin to sell.
“Oh, men have no pity! or rather, I am wrong, it is God who is just and
inflexible!
“And now, dear love, you will come to my sale, and you will buy
something, for if I put aside the least thing for you, they might
accuse you of embezzling seized goods.
“It is a sad life that I am leaving!
“It would be good of God to let me see you again before I die.
According to all probability, good-bye, my friend. Pardon me if I do
not write a longer letter, but those who say they are going to cure me
wear me out with bloodletting, and my hand refuses to write any more.
“MARGUERITE GAUTIER.”